The Truth About YOLO!

animecheerThere’s a four letter catchphrase that many “bros” seem to call out these days: YOLO! I first heard this phrase three years ago and wrote it off as “stupid”, because people were using it to excuse very stupid things or behaviors, Obvious logic is obvious. :-P

Anyway, the term is an anagram that means, “You only live once”, which is an intelligent idea that I do believe in. Even if a person believes in a “heaven” or an “after-life” (I personally believe in reincarnation), I do believe that the real truth is that we have only one life to live on this planet. And no, it’s not a contradiction to my overall religious beliefs, I shall explain!

I do believe in reincarnation, but not in terms that when a person dies they become a caterpillar, a leaf, or a rock. Humans are reincarnated as  other humans, via infants born into the world. Animals are reincarnated as other animals, plants as plants. Race, gender, and location is varied. For example, a white American male may be reincarnated as a Japanese female in the next life. Or a child within a tribe in Africa. Or a child of the royal family in Britain. It’s just a spin of the wheel, either done by the soul or the gods, I don’t know. >_>

The fact is, no one knows what really happens to the soul or consciousness (ignoring the “white light” accounts of those who were dead for a few moments) when we die, because no one has ever died long enough to reach the “other side” (or not) and come back to tell the tale. And if they did, they would be ZOMBIES! And who would stand around long enough to listen to a zombie, without trying to flee or chop off their head? Feets, don’t fail me now! O_o

mhsl0wJoking aside, the fact is not even science have definitive proof that there is no after-life, nor is there any proof that there is one as well. Scientists are careful to state that it’s their opinion that god or an after-life doesn’t exist, not that it’s proven set-in-stone fact yet. And many have said that if there is proof of either god or an after-life, they would change their personal opinions accordingly to match the new data, which is pretty open minded and awesome of them. Remember, in science, a lack of definitive proof doesn’t mean something does or doesn’t exist permanently, without any possibility of new data changing already set beliefs or facts. Otherwise, we’d still believe that the universe revolved around the Earth and that Pluto is still a planet. Sorry, Pluto. :-(

So, pretty much, it’s safe to assume that for now (with our current data) we have only one life on this planet. until proven otherwise either way.  Even if I were to lean on my religious beliefs of reincarnation, I just so happen to view that idea in the way of the Doctor’s regeneration (a character from the sci-fi show, Doctor Who).

He dies and then regenerates into a new Doctor after some time, but as the Tenth Doctor puts it:  “Even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away…and I’m dead.” In the same exact way, reincarnation is often viewed in stages; We die and everything about us (our personality and memories of our previous lives) die with us. We are reborn as a “clean slate”  and the old “self” is long lost and forgotten.

Thus, that’s my personal beliefs on life and death. Everyone else is free to believe in whatever they wish to and I respect that. This is not the lesson, but just a complete explanation on why and how I believe that my life today is the only one that I’ve got. Whew… now for the lesson I’ve learned. ;^_^>

Although I still regard the term YOLO as a battle cry of nitwits, used in order to shrug away risky or downright dangerous choices (ie: “eating sushi in an airport… YOLO!”, “covering myself with honey and charging into a cave full of bears… YOLO!”, “gonna tell my mother-in-law that she looks fat in that dress… YOLO!”), the overall meaning of “you only live once” is a nice reminder to not walk around with my head up my butt!

Life is short and I refuse to spend it worrying about “What will everyone think of this? Oh, I can’t do that in life, because it’s not impressive enough to everyone else. Oh… I shouldn’t have this much fun, because it’s dorky and people will not understand it!”

DerpAnimeWhen I was younger, I use to believe there was one set way to be happy in life. I spent all of my childhood, teens, and part of my adulthood trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. OR what I thought everyone else wanted, as I never actually asked them “Hey, do you guys want me to dress this way, act this way, have this or that career, or have interests in these set things?”

The fact is, I am the one who has to live with my choices or non-choices (missed opportunities) and with my overall self. Even though I love my friends and family, they’re not the ones who will have to answer the crucial questions that I’ll have to face on my deathbed someday: “Did I do all that I wanted to do in this life? Was my life happy, more or less? Am I leaving this world feeling satisfied and with the least number of regrets?”

We all have to answer those questions in the end. I rather not parish from this life having answered: “No, I was too afraid to do what I really wanted, because I worried more about what everyone else would think of me. No, I wasn’t happy at all in my life and I’m leaving with so many regrets and missed opportunities.”

Therefore, I will live my life doing what makes me feel happy and whatever else I am sure I want to pursue within it…YOLO! As long as it doesn’t harm me or others, it’s all good. ^_^

Thanks for reading!

-D

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I Am Immortal! No… Not Quite.

November 30th, 2009 @ 11:20:07Anyone who truly knows me can tell you that I’m nucking futs, that is if you haven’t figured it out for yourself by now. I have reasons and excuses why, as much as the next person, but the odd thing is that I am proud to be an eccentric. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ^_^

To be honest, when I was younger (in my teens), I use to cry every night to the tune of “Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I just be NORMAL?” I’ve been a “freak” since age six, I’ve never managed to “fit in” with any of my peers growing up, I was bullied and beaten, blah-blah-blah, and other sob story stuff.

I remember how heartbreaking it was to me that I just didn’t function like everyone else around me. I use to pray that some god in the universe would zap me with his awesome powers and change me into a sociably accepted person. I wanted to be pretty, popular, charismatic, and successful in all the ways that my peers were (or what I perceived them as). I now scoff at that idea and can’t believe how young and stupid I once were. :-P

lookatletterI think I was age twenty-one, when I finally realized that I am ME and being  ME wasn’t such a bad thing at all. I may not have much in common or “fit in” with everyone around me still, but I realized that not being the same as everyone else doesn’t necessarily mean “less than”, it just means “different”. And contrary to popular belief, “different” doesn’t automatically mean “wrong” or “inferior”.

The definition of the word “different” is: not the same as another or each other. A few synonyms for the word are: individual, independent, distinct. These words describe me pretty well, if I may add. Of course, I can, it’s my dang blog! Duh! >_>

I am a 33 (currently) year old woman, who suffers with an anxiety disorder and I lack social skills. Humans confuse me in general and I don’t always know how to respond to them. I sometimes miss social cues, I don’t always pick up on hints (just tell me what you mean, will ya!?), and I’m terrible with holding conversations. I do try my best to, because I rather like talking with people… usually.

I am a hermit, although I like using the term “hikikomori” when I feel like being fancy about it. I only leave the house and go “out there” four times a month, if I can help it. I spend hours writing novels, blogs, and video games (RPG Maker) as writing is one of my favorite passions in life to do.

mysimsjhouseWhen I’m not writing, I’m spending my time in learning everything I can about Quantum Physics, Cosmology, String Theory, and anything else scientific that crosses my path. And when I’m not studying science, I am watching tons of cool movies on Netflix, watching Youtube videos, or re-posting memes on Facebook. Every now and then, I’ll spend a few hours playing The Sims 3 and building fantastic homes. Yes, that photo is one of mine. What do you think of my Japanese-style room? ^_^

Staying indoors so much had caused my vitamin D levels to drop drastically, which was a slight issue. I noticed that I was becoming so tired and drained all the time, my hair began to fall out in clumps, and my skin became so dull and ashen. My reaction was to rush a visit to my doctor and exclaim, “I think I have cancer!” O_O

She was really cool about it, didn’t laugh or make fun, and gave me many tests. I am cancer free…for now. whew! I’m working on quitting my smoking habit, otherwise I shall return one day with real cancer! I was prescribed vitamin D and I have to take it twice a week. All is right with the world once again, my hair and skin are healthy. ^_^v

I may not be “normal” (whatever that is…), I may never be popular, to “fit in”, or to be pretty, however I am happy and satisfied with who I am as a person. You will never catch me dancing in the middle of a dance floor in a club somewhere (unless by gunpoint), or screaming my head off and head-banging at a rock concert (unless it’s an U2 concert… then I would have bank employees at gunpoint to afford such a thing!), or swinging on a streetlamp in the rain and singing about how wonderful life is “out there” (although, that would be pretty awesome, if I had dance moves like Gene Kelly!).

It is possible that you may someday love something that I’ve wrote or something I’ve contributed to with my writing. I could become a best seller someday. And most of all, it’s possible that I could find happiness in this life as well. That’s my ultimate goal. ^_^

And of course, I will always posts memes.

invalidargumentThanks for reading! ^_-

-D

My Relationship Checklist!

relationshipsI guess most people wish to have connections with others, unless they’re the anti-social types. I sometimes wonder if the social loners have it easier in life, as they don’t have to worry and scramble like the rest of us in finding others to connect to. Or worse yet, they don’t find themselves settling for people who are not worthy of them, in order to not be alone. However, it seems too much of a lonely existence to me personally and that’s not my particular route in life.

Even though I am a hermit in general (I’m not the partying type or a crowd lover), I do need connections with others in this life. I do have GOOD connections now, with a few people that I adore and not just settling for, but I learned a helluva LOT in reaching this point. I learned what true friendship means and how to identify many breeds of false ones.

The following is my list of the toxic relationship types. I’ve learned that if a “friend” or romantic partner exhibit any or many of these traits, it’s time for me to reevaluate my relationship with that person or persons. No self-respecting true friend or loving partner would ever have these traits, only the parasitic types of people do!

1.) The Fair Weathered / Bad Weathered Friends – These are conditional “friends” who only seem to show up when I’m in a particular mood, but disappear quickly when I’m in another. Fair Weathered friends show up when things are going well in my life, when I’m successful in something, or when I gain great rewards in life. These friends are the first to show up at a party, but always seem to disappear when the food and drinks have run out, or when it’s time to clean up afterward.

Oddly enough, there are Bad Weathered friends as well, who do the opposite. They will show up to growl against the thoughtlessness of the Fair Weathered friends, cry with me during any of my troubles, and always seem eager to hear the “dirt” of any situation in my life. On the surface, they seem like great friends in my time of need, but when things are going great in my life they disappear or don’t seem too happy when I share good news with them. They seemed bored or “not entertained” when I’m okay and only return when the dirt happens once again.

2.) Time Bandits – These are “friends” that always show up on my doorstep with a problem or issue that they need me to solve. They rely on me too much and too often, taking advantage of my time and kindness, while praising me much for that help in order to gain MORE help. They never seem to be satiated, no matter how much time you feed them, always needing and asking for more time. A huge clue that someone is a Time Bandit is when they NEVER find the time for me in return, not even a smidgen or five minutes, nor do they ever return the kindness. They simply keep asking for more, disregarding any issue or discomfort I may be feeling that day or moment, their attention is only focused on gaining more time, advice, and entertainment from me.

3.) Emotional Vampires – These are never “friends”, but more like an overall draining force. physically and mentally. They sucked me dry from any positive thoughts or endeavors I may plan to do. They even have the ability to convince me that I’m unworthy, a fail, stupid, and so on. I know that I’m in the presence of an emotional vampire when I feel so drained after a few moments of chatting with one, feeling as if I just want to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. They were people in my life that could crush my happy mood with just one opening sentence, which would in turn ruin the rest of my day. I often spent my time trying to avoid them and make excuses to escape conversation with them.

These vampires sometimes like to play the “victim”, to seek me with problems that often have clear solutions to them, but not really wanting advice at all. They counter with “yeah, but…” and like to insist how doomed they are, no matter what I suggest or offer to help them with. For example, I once had a “friend” who complained how she didn’t have enough money for a video game that I was enjoying. Every time I posted screenshots of my game progress, she’d comment with, “You’re so lucky to be able to afford that game. If I had it, my life would be so joyful.” I offered and sent her a copy of the game. Two days after she got it, she cursed that I could afford games and that she couldn’t at the time, instead of enjoying her free game. So, there was still a “problem” which she was a victim of, in spite of my best efforts to solve it.

4.) The Narcissistic Friend – These types are the worst, because they’re a bit of the Time Bandit and Emotional Vampire, wrapped in a burrito of hubris,  grandiose entitlement, attention hogging, and a pathological need for everyone’s admiration. Nothing they do in friendship or love is ever selfless and revolves around what they can personally gain for themselves. I tried to keep a narcissistic friend once and it was a complete disaster! I had to give him constant ego stroking, always found myself trying to prove to him that my friendship was of some benefit to him (in order for him to stick around), and everything HAD to be his way or the highway. The moment I put my foot down against his demands is the moment he chucked me away like yesterday’s garbage, without hesitation, empathy, or regret. I also made two very awful mistakes of falling in love with him and telling him my secrets, which it’s been said to NEVER do with Narcissists. They will use that information or feelings against the person, every time.

lonelyAnd it goes without saying (but I’ll mention it anyway!), those who physically abuse me are NOT “friends” or “the love of my life” automatically. The good news is that I got rid of every last toxic relationship I’ve listed here, since 2012. I no longer have tolerance for such non-sense, because I now have a few friends who do NOT possess these traits.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make at first, because 97% of my connections were these toxic types. I knew that if I cut my ties, I would only have three people left. I knew that would mean that I would feel lonely more often than not, but I couldn’t continue the way that it was. I was morbidly unhappy in those relationships, falling deeper in depression, and my self-worth was washing away. So what if I wasn’t “lonely”, technically, with these people? I felt so lonely around them regardless, as no one saw “me”, not really…

NOW… for my good list of what makes a true friend or romantic partner! This is an over-simplified list for sure, but it’s just a little insight into some wonderful traits a true relationship should possess.

1.) All Weathered Friend – This is a friend who is there for me no matter what kind weather I find myself in: rain, sunshine, mild, scorching heatwave, it matters not. They’re happy to hear from me or be around me, in spite of it. And vice versa.

2.) Time Partners – We give each other time apart and time together. We share our issues with each other equally and is a support for each other when times get rough. It’s not solely on me to be there to help them nor the other way around. We help each other and neither of us are so needy that we crave time from each other constantly.

3.) Emotional Allies – We inspire, encourage, and give healthy emotional support to each other. No one puts down or drains anyone, at least not on purpose. Friends do argue and disagree, but they apologize and make up as well. Contact with my friends often gives me a huge boost in spirit and adds energy to my life. And I seem to do the same for them in return.

4.) Kind And Caring Friends – These are friends who got their sh$t together basically and are able to have empathy for others. They do have a sense of selflessness, loyalty, kindness, understanding, patience, and are not egocentric whatsoever. They are beyond awesome and I never feel like I have to prove my worth to them, in order for them to want to stick around or speak to me. My friends are just kind and friendly folks and I appreciate them for accepting and seeing me for who I am.

real-friendsIn the end, I did get rid of every toxic relationship one by one and I was really lonely for a long while. It was hell, but I allowed myself to heal within that year, get myself together, to reflect and redirect. And then I began to slowly make new contacts, real and decent ones, that match my good list.

Another lesson I’ve learned is that in order to be a friend to someone, you MUST learn to be a friend to yourself first. I was a terrible friend to myself, during those years around toxic people. I cared more for them than I cared about my own needs or wants, I often put them first over my health or plans, and I often let myself be judged and “lower” than them in order for their self-esteem and confidence to soar. I neglected my well being in order to remain friends with these people. I was a crappy friend to myself, therefore I had crappy friends around me. When I began to change my friendship within myself, the outer situation changed as well.

Thanks for reading, it’s always appreciated. ^_^

-D