I Am Immortal! No… Not Quite.

November 30th, 2009 @ 11:20:07Anyone who truly knows me can tell you that I’m nucking futs, that is if you haven’t figured it out for yourself by now. I have reasons and excuses why, as much as the next person, but the odd thing is that I am proud to be an eccentric. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ^_^

To be honest, when I was younger (in my teens), I use to cry every night to the tune of “Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I just be NORMAL?” I’ve been a “freak” since age six, I’ve never managed to “fit in” with any of my peers growing up, I was bullied and beaten, blah-blah-blah, and other sob story stuff.

I remember how heartbreaking it was to me that I just didn’t function like everyone else around me. I use to pray that some god in the universe would zap me with his awesome powers and change me into a sociably accepted person. I wanted to be pretty, popular, charismatic, and successful in all the ways that my peers were (or what I perceived them as). I now scoff at that idea and can’t believe how young and stupid I once were. :-P

lookatletterI think I was age twenty-one, when I finally realized that I am ME and being  ME wasn’t such a bad thing at all. I may not have much in common or “fit in” with everyone around me still, but I realized that not being the same as everyone else doesn’t necessarily mean “less than”, it just means “different”. And contrary to popular belief, “different” doesn’t automatically mean “wrong” or “inferior”.

The definition of the word “different” is: not the same as another or each other. A few synonyms for the word are: individual, independent, distinct. These words describe me pretty well, if I may add. Of course, I can, it’s my dang blog! Duh! >_>

I am a 33 (currently) year old woman, who suffers with an anxiety disorder and I lack social skills. Humans confuse me in general and I don’t always know how to respond to them. I sometimes miss social cues, I don’t always pick up on hints (just tell me what you mean, will ya!?), and I’m terrible with holding conversations. I do try my best to, because I rather like talking with people… usually.

I am a hermit, although I like using the term “hikikomori” when I feel like being fancy about it. I only leave the house and go “out there” four times a month, if I can help it. I spend hours writing novels, blogs, and video games (RPG Maker) as writing is one of my favorite passions in life to do.

mysimsjhouseWhen I’m not writing, I’m spending my time in learning everything I can about Quantum Physics, Cosmology, String Theory, and anything else scientific that crosses my path. And when I’m not studying science, I am watching tons of cool movies on Netflix, watching Youtube videos, or re-posting memes on Facebook. Every now and then, I’ll spend a few hours playing The Sims 3 and building fantastic homes. Yes, that photo is one of mine. What do you think of my Japanese-style room? ^_^

Staying indoors so much had caused my vitamin D levels to drop drastically, which was a slight issue. I noticed that I was becoming so tired and drained all the time, my hair began to fall out in clumps, and my skin became so dull and ashen. My reaction was to rush a visit to my doctor and exclaim, “I think I have cancer!” O_O

She was really cool about it, didn’t laugh or make fun, and gave me many tests. I am cancer free…for now. whew! I’m working on quitting my smoking habit, otherwise I shall return one day with real cancer! I was prescribed vitamin D and I have to take it twice a week. All is right with the world once again, my hair and skin are healthy. ^_^v

I may not be “normal” (whatever that is…), I may never be popular, to “fit in”, or to be pretty, however I am happy and satisfied with who I am as a person. You will never catch me dancing in the middle of a dance floor in a club somewhere (unless by gunpoint), or screaming my head off and head-banging at a rock concert (unless it’s an U2 concert… then I would have bank employees at gunpoint to afford such a thing!), or swinging on a streetlamp in the rain and singing about how wonderful life is “out there” (although, that would be pretty awesome, if I had dance moves like Gene Kelly!).

It is possible that you may someday love something that I’ve wrote or something I’ve contributed to with my writing. I could become a best seller someday. And most of all, it’s possible that I could find happiness in this life as well. That’s my ultimate goal. ^_^

And of course, I will always posts memes.

invalidargumentThanks for reading! ^_-



4 thoughts on “I Am Immortal! No… Not Quite.”

  1. Have you tried ecigs? I was on it for about a year or two until I picked up smoking again recently. Back on ecigs the past day again. I wish there were more studies but I feel its “healthier”. Definitely cheaper for sure. Plus some of the flavors are yummy =)

    1. No, I haven’t really tried ecigs yet. I tried one before, it was expensive, and it was horrible. The battery in it would overheat and burn my lips! Ouch! I sent it back for a full refund and never tried it again. I should try a different one. ^_^

      1. Would you pleeeease give me your address so I can send you one? It’s actually really cheap. But yea they’re quite picky about things so you need to fiddle with them to get it working properly. Still waiting for them to come out with one that’s fool proof.

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