I know that I’ve said a few times already “I REGRET NOTHING”, which is true for the things I’ve said it for, however I do have a few regrets in this life. It may not be what anyone expects and I always seem to shock people whenever I mention my past aspirations. Try not to drink anything while reading this. I am not responsible for the spit-take towards your laptop or monitor. You have been warned! :-P
I didn’t always aspire to be a writer, not as a career anyway. Writing was just a hobby, a passion, my first true love, and my constant companion. I wanted to do other things for a career, to enjoy writing as a source of relaxation or vacation away from said career. However, I made terrible mistakes and missed my opportunities…
As a child, I wanted to become an Astronomer. I was so fascinated with the cosmos, that I bought myself a cheap telescope (the store was going out of business, so I got it on a clearance sale for twenty dollars!!!) and a star chart with the money I had earned babysitting a few small children.
It was highly against the religious beliefs of my parents, they were pissed with me, but I had argued that it was my earned money and I could buy whatever I wanted with it. They decided to pray for my sinful soul and I tiptoed out of the house every night to go chart the constellations.
However, my non-religious peers and teachers kept giving me odd looks when I expressed that I wanted to become an Astronomer. I didn’t understand why, until a female teacher sat me down one day and said, “Sweetie, girls don’t become Astronomers, that’s a job for boys. Wouldn’t you like to become a nurse or a beautician instead? ” My mistake was that I gad believed her words and gave up the idea of becoming an Astronomer. I gave up something that I had a passion for because everyone else around me said that I couldn’t do it for the only reason that I’m a girl. I regret that. u_u
So, because I let that dream slip away, I would look into jobs that had women visually prevalent within them. I noticed that it wouldn’t be strange if I became a police officer, as I had met a few nice female officers. However, I didn’t really want to become an officer, yet law enforcement did appeal to me a bit. At age fifteen, I was handed a information packet at the annual fair in Philadelphia. It was the first time I read anything about the work of the FBI.
I wanted to become a Special Agent and work within the branch that finds missing children. And then I heard of the other branch that works in stopping cyber crimes, including child predators on the internet, so I wanted to do that instead. And then I was torn between doing that and the idea of becoming a Forensic Scientist within the FBI too. I was a kid in the career candy store, the FBI seemed to offer a lot of branches that I was interested in. ^o^
I knew that getting accepted into the academy (in Quantico, Va.), was going to be very tough. I decided that I would join the US Army first, to get some extra experience, then I would have a better chance of getting accepted. I’m not sure if I could have handled the brutal training of the FBI, which is ten times stricter than what happens in Army training.
I’m not sure if I could have made it in Forensics either. Although I’ve seen plenty of real dead bodies in video and real case photos on science sites, I never seen bodies in person (besides at funerals) and I’m not sure if I could handle the smell. However, I would have liked to find out for myself.
I never made it to either the US Army or trying for the FBI. The same thing that happened with my dream of becoming an Astronomer, happened again. My mother was so scared that I would get hurt or killed in such a job, that she pulled her connections and presented to me the most disgruntled female FBI Agent that she could find.
This Agent told me that I shouldn’t want to join the Bureau, because the men agents make it tough for the female agents to do their jobs. She told me that it wasn’t a job for women whatsoever, especial non-white women, and that she was planning to quit soon. Again, I listened to someone else and gave up my dream, a dream that I really regret letting go the most. I still believe that I was meant to become a Special Agent, but it’s way too late for me. There is an age limit to applying for the Academy and I’ll never meet the educational requirements for just the application in time. I waited too long to come to my senses and to think for myself! u_u
If anything, this is my cautionary tale to everyone: DON’T let anyone ever tell you that you can’t do anything, no matter who they are, no matter of your gender, age, race, and so on! If you have a dream, follow it no matter what! DON’T worry about what everyone else says or think about it, because in the end it’s not going to be them that has to carry those regrets – It’s YOU!
Follow your own heart, gut, mind, and spirit. Don’t be afraid to “fail”, because the real failure is not trying something in the first place. Don’t be concerned about what everyone else thinks, to the point that you just let the opportunities pass by, because once it’s gone it is gone for good.
I write, because it’s the only dream I have left to me now. There’s nothing else. And I’ll be damned if I let another person try to take that away from me. I don’t care if I’m booed and ridiculed for my writings, I don’t care if there’s no real money in it, if every book I may publish someday becomes a flop, I’m NOT going to ever stop writing! I’ll fight for it!
Thanks for reading! ^_^