Up In Smoke!

2822014_1340520167484.2res_480_360Trigger Warning!!! For those trying to quit smoking or recently quit, you may want to steer clear of this article! Seriously… this may trigger you, so be kind to yourself and click the x. ^_^

What can I say… I was very STUPID when I first decided to start a smoking habit, at the unlikely age of twenty-three. I knew about the health risks and the fact that my family has a very high rate of cancer in general. I’ve lost both  of my grandparents to cancer some years back and they weren’t smokers!

So, it was a very stupid move on my part, when I decided one day… “Hey, I want to try smoking a cigarette! Spike Spiegel of ‘Cowboy Bebop’ does it and he looks cool!”  I’m so very embarrassed… so, so, so much! *hides face in shame* u_u

Anyway, my first year of “smoking”, I didn’t know I was suppose to inhale it! I was happily blowing smoke and posing with it, when someone said something funny and I gasped. I choked so much and garbled, “Damn, I swallowed it!” A spaz like me should have NEVER tried smoking in the first place, especially when I was too silly to realize that I was suppose to inhale it! More embarrassment!

So, for my first year I wasn’t addicted to smoking, because I wasn’t actually smoking. My “friends” never bothered to clue me in either, so after that choking incident that’s when I actually began my real addiction. I went from one pack a week to two packs a day, very quickly, as I craved the nicotine so much.

nagisa-chocolate-smallFor those who aren’t smokers, the rush of calm  and pure happiness that comes from smoking is the exact affect that one gets when they eat a piece of chocolate. Except with smoking a person doesn’t gain more weight or diabetes. Sometimes smoking can cause weight loss too, as the nicotine curbs appetite in general.

HOWEVER, the pitfall is that the smoke is highly radioactive and smokers are subjecting their lungs to huge doses of radiation with every puff. This is what causes cancer, heart failure, stroke, and other nasty things. >_>

Back then, I didn’t care much about myself and didn’t plan on living very long anyway, so I puffed away “tralalalala!”. Then I got better with my depression and really want to live on, but now I was faced with the fact that I’m slowly killing myself. Eep! O_O

Right away, I decided to quit and I tried the patch first. My skin didn’t like that idea and it protested with square shaped red, itchy, and painful splotches! I never wanted a cigarette MORE so in my life! I gave up the patch and went back to smoking for a week.

The next thing I tried was  cheap nicotine gum, that tasted like wax, and that only lasted for two days.  Then I tried quitting “cold turkey”, I tossed away my ashtray, gave away the last of my cigs, and scrubbed my room to get rid of the lingering smell of smoke. My family and myself could only last for two weeks, as I blew up at everyone in fits and then broke down emotionally in great tears, “I want a cigarette!!!” So, I went back to smoking.

sunako_aI tried “cold turkey” a few more times, but my family protested, “STOP! You’re making it worse!”, while cowering in corners. I had to find another way! So, I began to buy a more “expensive” gum that cost $30 a box, which I religiously buy every month now. With that, I’ve managed to get my habit down to one pack a week. It’s a work in progress. ^_^

At one time, I was free of all smoking for one year, but then I gained too much stress, as I tried to get my book published (aka: being rejected by publishing houses left and right) and I had a horrible “friend”  who weighted me down. After having a very emotional fight with him and holding yet another rejection letter in my hand, I thought I could smoke just one cigarette. However,  that was a mistake… it started the habit again. D’oh!

Last year in November, I went for a routine check-up. My doctor found a lump and I was terrified! Did cancer catch up with me already!? I was rushed to a biopsy and the good news is that it was a harmless fibroid tumor. Whew… However, it made me think harder about my actions towards myself. I’m more determine to quit now, so I’m taking it one step at a time, limiting my cigarettes each month. I’m not giving up on quitting… as strange as that sentence sounds.

As for coffee… doctors want me to quit that too, but NEVER!!! You’ll have to pry the cup away from my cold dead fingers! My coffee! Nom, nom, nom, nom! >_<

I’ve never done any drugs in my entire life, unless you count the one time I was high on oxycodone after I had my two molars removed by a dentist. That was one trippy week! I never smoked pot nor ever want to. I’m not much of a drinker either. I do enjoy a “screwdriver” (vodka and orange juice) every few months or so, but it’s only the one drink. I’m a light-weight!

kagura_punchMy two addictions are nicotine and caffeine (coffee). I plan to get rid of one of those habits someday… never the coffee! Life is not worth living without coffee! I’m serious about that! Do NOT try to take away my coffee or you’ll be pulling back nubs! \\\>_<///

So for those trying to quit smoking, please hang in there. I understand your plight! And for those who never started the habit in the first place, GOOD! Don’t do it! Keep being clever! ^_^v

Thanks for reading!



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