This is something that has been coming up with my friends for the past four months: LOVE! Ooh-la-la! This will be one fun article to write, however with its usual preachy message of what I personally learned about the subject so far. So, if you’re not looking for a “lesson”, feel free to skip this one. ^_^v
I honestly believe that love/romance is the most ridiculous and brain-dead emotion that ever existed! However… it’s the most wonderful, beautiful, poetic, and spiritually uplifting specimen in the human experience. Everyone should experience true love (and heartbreak) at least once in their lifetime. It’s more foolish to go through life without such an experience. Although… wow, do I ever turn simple-minded, whenever Cupid hits me with its arrow! You damn brat! @_@
The thing is, I’ve noticed too many of my friends rushing into love head first, head over heels, and then later finding themselves in a right mess. They’ve made the mistake of moving in with a person after dating them for a few weeks or one month, marrying a spouse after dating them for three months, or deciding to have children with someone they’ve dated for a short while. It’s all been one disaster after another, if you can imagine.
They’ve all turn to me in tears, at one time or another, with that huge sad question of “WHY???” I feel so helpless, as I can only offer that perhaps they shouldn’t have moved so fast into the relationship, before allowing themselves to get to know the person and vice versa.
I also assure them, “It’s okay. There’s over 7 billion people on Earth and one is bound to be the right one for you. Don’t give up! Those odd are WAY in your favor!” ^_^
Unfortunately, there is a mixed message in society about love. We’re encourage to “carpe diem”, to seize the day, and ask that person we fancy out on a date NOW! Don’t dawdle! This is good advice, in a way, because the person you fancy may be asked out by someone else, before you’ve had the time to muster up the nerve.
Sure, one could get rejected and told “no” flat out, but I believe it’s less crushing to be told no right away than to always wonder if it would have been a “yes”. In my past, I would boldly ask if someone was interested in dating me and I got rejected more times than not. I don’t regret it, because I think it would drive me MORE crazy if I never tried to get an answer in the first place. I would have a list of people who I never asked and could maul over the “what ifs” during my lonely nights.
The way I seem to approach love is to NOT rush into anything, even if I gain a “yes”. I grew up in the 80s, where I often observed people taking their time in relationships and getting to know each other. Just listen to some of the love songs of that era and you’ll see there’s not too many songs about, “Hi, I just met you, and this is crazy… but here’s my number… let’s have a baby!” (Not the actual lyrics, but see what I did there? Huh? Huh? ^____^)
I’ve notice the generation of NOW began in the 90’s, my teenage years. And it’s steadily growing more, as we’re becoming a society that believes that faster equals “better”. We all want the latest and fastest technology and internet speeds, the fastest response to our wants, and the fastest solutions to our issues. And when do we want it? NOW! NOW! NOW!
However… love is an art, it’s a slow graceful creation, of spirit and soul. It doesn’t respond well to being rushed, as the Sistine Chapel wasn’t painted within a day. It takes time and there are no effective shortcuts to gain true love or to keep it. It’s a very beautiful and natural thing that can’t be manufactured and mass-produced, it’s handcrafted and quality made between two souls.
The difference between true love and fast love is the difference between a great meal prepared carefully and lovingly over a stove, and a meal under heat-lamps from a fast food drive-thru. You can’t expect to order red velvet cupcakes with cream-cheese icing, with small cookie hearts sprinkled on top, at McDonalds. It’s just not going to happen. You’ll have to settle for a shriveled apple pie or half stale cookies.
I believe that true love isn’t created in the NOW, it’s created with time, prolonged experience with that person, and a lot of hard work on each side. It’s not always a sunny day in romantic relationships, people are very complicated beings, with their own flaws, views, interests, and passions. There will be rain and thunderstorms. However, two souls in love can weather each storm as they come along. Just be aware that there’s no sunshine without the rain and likewise.
It’s a thin line between “going for it” and “take your time”. You don’t want to rush in, guns ablaze, but you don’t want to wait around too long either. I still haven’t figured out where that line is located yet, besides the not rushing in part. If someone handed me the recipe for “chocolate mousse with raspberries” and all of the ingredients, it would still take practice for me to create a fine mousse. And this art of love takes practice to get right as well.
I often think about the reasons why people want a romantic relationship and why there’s such an urgency to have it right away. I believe that some worry that they must rush into it or they’ll lose the interest of that person. For me, a person who would require that I must rush into a romantic relationship with them or risk losing their interest in me, is not likely the one for me at all. I’m very old fashioned and sappy, as I have the attitude of this old 80’s song: Right Here Waiting For You.
If I’m not worth the wait, or a person isn’t worth waiting for, they’re not the right one for me. If I’m pressured to rush, it feels very much like poor quality and it reminds me of the quirky man, who owned a fish-truck and would sell cheap seafood to the residents of my old neighborhood. He would often call out to his customers, “Eat it quick! Eat it quick! Don’t let it sit for too long!”, as it would spoil within one day in refrigeration. It’s amazing how none of us became deathly ill from our purchases! O_O
I wish to fall in love someday, but not in a “do it quick!” kind of way. I want to take my time, but not dawdle, to let love blossom at its own natural pace. I want to create something beautiful with the right person, and to enjoy every moment of it as it happens. That’s just my personal thoughts about love and relationships. ^_^
Thanks for reading!