Here’s a short Sunday post. I feel like writing a little about what’s on my mind for today: I’ve always been different than anyone I’ve known. I don’t try to be, nor do I wear it like a badge of honor, nor do I believe that I’m more special than anyone else.
I’m not a Hipster, nor can I stand people who purposely try to make themselves different for the sake of… well, I’m not sure why anyone would purposely try to make themselves different, to be honest. I don’t get the haughtiness of those who do so and believe that it somehow makes them better than anyone else. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand people like that, because they seem to obnoxiously wave their chosen isolation from the herd, as if it’s somehow clever or above everyone else. o_O
I am different and I think differently, although there is a lot of loneliness within that fact. I’m not better, I’m not more clever, I’m just lonelier than most other people. The way I interact, think, and feel within the world is so very different from my peers, to the point that I actually feel like I’m an alien. I very much relate to Your Favorite Martian’s: Alien.
Being different than everyone else isn’t something that I cheer about or work to make happen, it just IS. I don’t get a choice on who I am. Or maybe I should say, I can’t stomach pretending to be someone that I’m not in order to fit in. I’ve tried it a few times in my earlier life and it didn’t work out, because I’m a writer and not an actor.
In those times that I was pretending, I felt so sick to my stomach and more unhappy than what I started out. If people loved and accepted me under my role, they didn’t really love me, they only loved the character that I was portraying. And that kind of sucked. u_u
I have never fit the social norms too well and I doubt that I ever will. It’s just not ME. Recently, I was reminded of this, in conversations with others, as I found myself shrugging and saying a lot, “Well, I guess I operate differently.” And every time I find myself saying that sentence, I feel more and more alone on this planet.
However… I refuse to curl up into a ball and whine about it. I can’t change myself, so I have no choice but to accept who I am. I’m a weirdo, I’m different, I’m an alien (preferably, I’m from Galifrey!). I will continue to just be myself and operate in the way that is most natural to me.
Hopefully, someday soon, I’ll run across another alien like me. I could finally have a friend that understands my language and just “gets” it. I would very much like that We could travel through space and time together! And spend hours chatting about quantum physics and everything else non-boring that is located in the observable universe. ^_^v
And if it never happens, that’s okay too. I’m still learning the ways of the Earthlings and maybe someday they will forgive my strange alien-like ways and eccentricities. Maybe they will learn to say, “Ah, well… that’s just Dani for you.” and move on, as I often have to move on from their strange ways as well.
Thanks for reading! ^_^