My Awesome List (Oct. 2014)

agpurpleeyedfirlExplanation: It’s far easier to list all of the bad drama in one’s life. For many people, it’s habitual to list everything that’s wrong with their lives (or what they perceive is wrong) and to forget about the good things that has happened as well. I’ve decided that I will keep a list of the awesome things that I’ve experienced within a month (in drafts), no matter how little (or big) each item may seem. And I shall post my list on the last day of said month in celebration! Hooray! ^o^/

dress-original-ribbons-purple-eyes-gray-hair-anime-girls-600x424This month’s color scheme is purple, because for some reason October always feel like a purple-y kind of month to me.

1.) My new Dan and Phil shirt has become my most favorite one to wear!

2.) Halloween! Candy! ^o^v

3.) I’ve finished my Christmas shopping. Whew!

4.) I’ve earned my first check for my book, True Shadows. It wasn’t much (LOL…not much at all!), but it felt great that I had earned anything from my writings. Thanks to all who bought it, if you’re reading this. ^_^v

5.) I stood up for myself and my right to be who I am meant to be as a person. Gain a boost in self confidence.

6.) I enjoyed “Ouran Host Club”, surprisingly. ;^_^>

7.) I found myself writing TWO fun novels at the same time, ducking back and forth between the separate files. My creativity is on FIRE this month! ^o^/

8.) I got a new haircut and it looked great.

9.) I’ve avoided a lot of drama for a few weeks and was able to enjoy my life in peace.

10.) I ran across a cool gaming series by PressHeartToContinue, the Sherlock Homes: Crime And Punishments. I love her gaming style and therefore subscribed.

11.) COFFEE! It’s better than a hug!

12.) I finished my old goal list and began new goals of independence in therapy. Hooray! ^o^/

13,) I made a goal to start running again in Spring 2015.

14.) I didn’t die in the crazy cab ride home! Not dying is always a plus! ^_^v

15.) I enjoyed listening to my favorite podcast: StarTalk Radio! I always learn new awesome science stuff and I enjoy the comedy of Chuck Nice and Eugene!

16.) Was freaked out with Cryaotic’s gaming series: The Vanishing of Ethan Carter! Creepy game, but good one! O_O

Thus concludes my list for this month! I’m looking forward to November! As always, thanks for reading!



Story: Strange Weather

anime-halloween-flickr-photo-sharingTomorrow is Halloween, so I’ve decided to write an exclusive horror short story for my blog readers! I call this one “Strange Weather” and I hope that you will enjoy it. Happy Halloween everyone! ^_^v



Strange Weather

I heard the heavy pats against my window pane, located next to my bed. It stirred me from my sleep, as I lazily reached out to my phone to check the time. It was 7AM Saturday, a cold, quiet, and rainy day. I groaned and slowly pulled myself up, my torso wrapped in warm sheets, not wishing to wake but I needed to have a more productive day. I had my novel to finish and this was my weekend to do so.

I yawned, as I turned on my laptop, that sat on the desk across the room. I stood for a moment like a half-awake zombie, numbly scratching my right side, and listening to the soft patter of rain.The rain suddenly stopped and the sound of silence was deafening. Somehow it didn’t seem natural for the rain to end like that in mid pour and my mind was compelled to investigate. I moved toward the window.

sw_frontI carefully peel back the dark curtains and my eyes was flooded by a bright pinkish red sky. its glow covered the outside world in a blanket of this odd hue. It made the neighboring houses, cars in driveways, and trashcans seem like darken silhouettes in contrast. If this wasn’t strange enough, my front lawn was drizzled with blood droplets, my window pane as well.

I rubbed my eyes, not sure if there was something wrong with my vision. Maybe I wasn’t fully awake, still trapped in a strange dream. I backed away from my window and did the only logical thing I could do in a dream; I slipped on my flip-flops and headed for my front door.

When I opened the door, the strong smell of blood assaulted my nostrils. The cold air was heavy with this smell and it stung within my lungs as I breathed it. I was now certain that I wasn’t dreaming, as I shivered and pulled my fuzzy bathrobe closer to me. My breath curled out in lazy white puffs, as a few more red raindrops fell from the sky. I reached out my shaking hand and caught the lukewarm drops. It was thick and sticky, consistent of blood.

Almost in a child-like voice within my head, I wondered, “Why is it raining blood?” My confused thoughts were interrupted, by a series of strange clicks, as some kind of insect was making its mating call.  What followed the clicks was a high-pitched squeal that was deep and guttural at the same time, a dual voice. I heard the pacing footsteps of something large, circling my house, and I quickly scrambled back inside.

I slammed my door and locked it quickly. I peered through the side window. There was nothing there and everything seemed to stand still, the leaves of the plants and and every blade of blood slicked grass, not daring to breath or sway in the cold breeze. I didn’t hear or see the creature, as I breathed heavily against my side window. I stood there for a few moments, not knowing what to do next, my thoughts were jumbled in sheer panic.

I headed back to my room to grab my phone. This was an emergency, so I thought to call the police, my family, anyone. It didn’t matter. My heart was pounding wildly as I began to dial numbers. My phone alerted me that I didn’t have a signal. I waved my arm into the air wildly, pacing around my room, trying to gain one. This sometimes happened within this area, but this was not the day to do this to me!

I paced the whole house, even travel downstairs into my garage, and I couldn’t gain a signal. I returned to my living room, in order to turn on my flat screen, hoping to get some information from local news stations. All local stations were off the air and my cable stations had no mentioning of my city or the strange blood rain we were experiencing.

The internet! I wanted to smack myself for not checking that first, as news seem to travel faster online than on television these days. I hoped like hell that I still had Wi-fi and I gave a relieved sigh as soon as my homepage loaded. I tried news outlets first, but there was still no mention of blood rain or my city.

Maybe no one outside of the town knew what was happening here. Maybe I was losing my mind and this was all an delusion. Maybe I was sleeping. I hoped the last explanation was true, even though I knew without a shadow of doubt that It wasn’t. I was very much awake and something horrible was happening to us.

I switched to my social networking site and instantly noticed that the  news-feed of my friends and family posts had completely stopped before this strange weather occurred. The last status update was from my uncle at 4am, but no one else posted anything since. It was eerie, that my entire contact list was silent, as if they had all completely dropped off of the face of the planet.

Everyone I had a connection to lived within my city, except for an aunt who had moved two states away and an old college buddy, both rarely use their accounts. Were they all dead? I didn’t want to have that thought, but it invaded my head, breaking in like a night intruder.

What if my friends and family were all ripped apart, by that creature roaming outside, and the blood rain was them? What if everyone in town was ripped apart and it was raining dead people, or what was left of them?

I shook my head and argued to myself to calm down. I sent everyone a private message, “It’s Jill. What’s happening outside? What’s with the strange weather and red sky? The phones aren’t working and I’m afraid. Please respond back, as soon as you can.” I copied and pasted the message to everyone, as my hands shook, and my heart raced.

As soon as I sent my message to the last person on my list, I heard the high-pitched squeal and guttural cry of the creature outside. Its large shadow danced across the curtains of my window and I didn’t dare look out there.

sw_hallI grabbed my phone and ran down the hall to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. I wedged myself beside the toilet, in a lame attempt to hide from the monstrous cry. My phone flashed with a few earned bars for my efforts. I quickly dialed the police. There was a click on the other end of the line, but a white noise followed. “Hello?” I said and my voice echoed back to me, “Hello? Is there anyone there? I need help.”

There was a dark mumble of a man and his voice gave a deep hum of two musical notes, “hmm…HMM!”. The call ended. My blood ran cold. What was that?

I dialed the numbers of my relatives and a few friends, but there was nothing but white noise on the line. There wasn’t a click to suggest that the line even picked up, the ringing line would just fade out, after four or five tones. I attempted to try another number, but the bars dropped, and I couldn’t get another signal. “Shit!” I roared in frustration.

My hands were still shaking and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. I opened an app, on my phone, to check my messages online. No one had responded to my message yet.

I wrote an public status, hoping to get attention from anyone at this point. “It’s raining blood in my city and the phones are dead. I can’t reach my friends or family. Is anyone out there? Does anyone know what’s happening? I’m alone and I’m afraid. There is some kind of creature circling my house, I don’t know what it is. Please help me! I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to die.”

The moment I posted it, I heard a huge slam and my floor shook from its force. Against common sense, I left the bathroom and walked down the short hallway, toward my front door.

sw_;lawnIt was blown wide open, by the rough winds outside. It was as if a tornado was brewing, the blood rainfall was swirling against the houses and cars, painting them with red splatter. The carpeting in front of my door was becoming increasingly red from the outside blowing in.

I took a step to close my door, when I saw something dark scuttle across the lawn. It rushed by way too fast, but I caught a glimpse of red glowing eyes and long sharp claws. It was massive, dark, and it seemed to be hunting me. I then remembered that I had locked the front door, so it wasn’t just the mere force of high-winds to opened it, but the creature’s forceful attempt to lure me out.

I ran like hell, back toward the bathroom, as I heard the creature’s heavy breath behind me. I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. While shrieking, I climbed into the empty tub with my phone. I cursed myself, as I realized that it would had been better to run to my bedroom, so that I may block the door with furniture  or to escape through the window. My bathroom didn’t have a window and there were only heavy fixtures that I couldn’t move.

I could hear the creature’s cry in my living room, as it flipped over my sofa, and other glass items nearby shattered. I knew that I was going to die, as it had no problem kicking in locked doors. Right now, it was just toying with me, stirring up my fear, before it ripped me apart and made the sky rain down with my blood. My tears flowed from my eyes, as I checked my app.

Someone had replied to my public status, “Is this some kind of joke?” “No.” I replied, my thumbs moving quickly across the keyboard  of my phone, “The creature is in my house now and it’s going to kill me. I suspect that all of my friends and family are dead. I suspect that the blood rain is that of the dead people of this town. I don’t know what is happening. I woke up to this.”

Another person replied, “I just saw a report on TV, that there is a weird shadow over your city. No one knows what it is, but officials are trying to get into the city.” The first person responded again, “What? Shit is real?” Another person replied, “I just saw that report too! Is this some kind of Halloween prank?” Someone else posted, “FAKE!”

“No,” replied another, “I think it’s real. I’m seeing the report now on CNN. They’ve mentioned something about chemical warfare?”

The creature began to ram against my bathroom door and I text quickly, “The creature is nearly in, I’m locked in my bathroom. Whatever it is, it’s massive, and have a high-pitched and guttural cry. And it’s going to kill me. There’s nothing I can do about that.” “Fight back!” someone responded, “Grab something and beat the shit out of it!”

“I can try.” I responded, as the door frame began to splinter, “Thank you for talking with me. I don’t feel so alone in my last moments. Goodbye.”

I dropped the phone into the empty tub and gathered the heavy porcelain top of the toilet in my arms. I knew that I couldn’t beat this thing, but I was going to die swinging. The door burst open and the huge dark beast rushed in.


The Weird, Strange, and The Dark!

tumblr_static_anime_dark_gothic_girl__030I would like a write a little about my affinity for the weirdest things.I’m a complicated person and it seems like that there are a few things in life that spark my attention and admiration. Or at least stick around long enough in my brain for a mention. It’s usually something weird, strange (things that make me go “WTF!”), or the creepy dark. Here’s a short list of them for the sake of! Whee!!! ^w^/

= The Weird =

1.) Geddan is a meme that began as a fad in Japan,  as it was discovered that when the Nintendo 64  game, GoldenEye 007, had a glitch where the characters and vehicles would writhe in midair if the cartridge was not inserted into the console all the way. This sparked a new dance fad of imitating this glitch, “Geddan” is the Engrish translation of “Get Down”, a phrase used in the Japanese pop song named “Promise” used in this meme. My favorite version is: Phil And Dan Get Down

2.) Caramelldansen is a Sweeden pop song that became an internet meme, featuring anime characters swaying their hips and moving their hand against their head like bunny ears. It makes no sense whatsoever, but it’s enjoyable to me all the same. I love the FullMetal Alchemist one as well. ^_^v

3.) Trololo Song is also known as the “Russian Rickroll”, although I usually watch this one on PURPOSE, because it’s so very weird and entertaining. The singer, Eduard Khill, recorded this song without lyrics in a style known as a non-lexical vocable, in 1976. It became a meme in 2010 and Mr. Khill was known internationally after that. This recording is so weird, because he is lip syncing to a song without words and has odd robotic like movements. Sadly, Eduard Khill passed away in June 2012, but he expressed how happy he was that everyone were paying attention this old performance.

= The Strange (WTF) =

1.) Rejected is a cartoon by Don Hertzfeldt, which seems totally random and weird on the surface. It’s a story about an animator slowly losing his mind within the corporate advertising world. Don Hertzfeldt has a lot of strange cartoon series, as that’s his general style. My other favorites are: Everything Will Be Okay and The Meaning Of Life.

2.) Asdfmovie is a series of flash-animations that are totally random. They’re strange, because you find yourself asking if you should laugh at them, then you laugh at some odd random thing later. Most of all, you walk away from them feeling a huge sense of “WTF”! o_O

= The Dark =

1.) Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared is a disturbing short, that starts off with an upbeat theme and puppets. Although, things start to get very dark and leaves a viewer with an unsettling feeling afterward. You’ll want to agree to never be creative again. There’s a second video, which is just as creepy and recently the creators of this channel has announced that they will make more. Yay, nightmares! ^o^/

2.) Username666 is a story about an unseen computer user coming across a username of “666” on Youtube. This unseen user clicks the link and find themselves trapped in one hellish experience online. This video gives me the chills!

slenderman3.) Slender Man is a modern urban legend, that started on a site called “Something Awful”, by forum user Eric Knudsen in 2009. Slender Man is depicted as a thin, unnaturally tall man with a featureless face, wearing a black suit. Sometimes he have growing dark appendages growing from him or takes on the form of a spider-like creature in some lore. He known for stalking, abducting, or traumatizing people, particularly children. Some of the symptoms of his presence is coughing fits or coughing up blood, nausea, paranoia, vomiting, bloody noses, fever, and sometimes amnesia.

The appearance of Slender Man can also cause audio or video distortions of cameras or other nearby electronics. And once Slender Man takes a victim, that person is never found again. He’s one of the scariest boogeymen lore today, I believe. Every time I have a coughing fit or my audio/video glitches on my laptop in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason, I have to wonder… >_>

4.) Smile Dog has got to be the most creepiest creepypasta ever!  Sorry, you’ll have to find the video version of the story yourself (I’ve only included the link to the wiki page). I found the video on Youtube…. but the photo of the dog, smiling, the hand and the message scrawled above it… I couldn’t handle it and had to close the browser, without getting the url. O_O
Very few things terrify me like that, so I definitely agree that Smile Dog is one creepy story and photo! Well done! ^_^v

That’s all for my short list. As always, thanks for reading!


I’m A Ninja-Cat!

ninjacat1This is just a vanity post about me. Shut up! All of my posts aren’t vanity! I heard that! >_>

Anyway… since I am bored and I’m kind of running out of things of blog about, I thought I would write something to address something I’ve noticed from time to time, mostly in offline situations: I make people feel nervous.

I don’t mean to do this, but the reason why people may feel awkward and nervous around me, is because I’m feeling that way around them.

A lot of people on the internet swear that they KNOW me, because they’ve read my past blogging or my current posts, or follow my wacky reblogging of other people’s materials on Facebook, but no… they don’t really know me.

A person could read this blog from start to finish, or go crazy and read ALL of my blogs on WordPress, and they will only gain about 10% of who I am. And I’m being generous with that number, because a lot of my old blogs are outdated, the views expressed may not be my same view now.

Hey, people grow up and grow wiser, or so they should anyway. 29 year old Dani may have been educated in a subject further and has adjusted her “mind palace” to reflect the new information in her mid-30’s. In a few years from now, much of this blog may become irrelevant as well. Some views I may carry to the end of my life cycle, however others are always subject to change. ^_-

Back to my point… Online people may believe that they know me well by my writings, but for offline people the passage is much more narrower to understanding me, as offline people don’t generally browse my blogs and some do not learn that my blogs even exist.

ninjacat2I blab a whole lot more online than I do offline. In person, I’m basically mute, I smile and nod a lot. I answer in short sentences or one-word responses. I try to push myself to be more chatty, but whenever I do so, it becomes a string of words that makes no sense nor is remotely related to each other. O_O

I’m no good at speaking at all, unless it’s with relatives or long time family friends. My best form of communication is writing. However, my silence seem to make people in social situations a lot nervous. They have a hard time reading me and I’m not giving away sufficient clues either.

A person has to ask me what I’m thinking or feeling on what they’ve said or ask for a direct opinion on a movie plot, otherwise I will not volunteer that information. Even so, they may get a short response of what I think, however online responses would be quite long.

My therapist seem a bit uneasy too, when I am smiling and nodding, but not adding a lot to her statement towards some issue of mine. And it’s weird, because when she gives writing assignments for homework, that’s when I turn in five page essays. Her eyes grow wide as she exclaims, “Wow! You did a good job with this! You’re a really good writer!” I blush and nod in response.

And, if my therapist was not a therapist, she wouldn’t get the in-depth essays about my emotions, worries, and so on. It’s much like how I never dive too deeply or give out too many details in my blogs, hence why the people who read them never get to know me fully.

I never feel comfortable or trusting enough to share the deeper things about myself with people I don’t know for a very long time, unless that person is a therapist. It’s the same difference as I don’t feel comfortable undressing and being naked in front of a complete stranger, but for a medical doctor, it’s alright. I really hate those paper gowns though, I always seem to rip them… I’m just saying. =p

ninjacat3So, it takes a long time for people to gain a general sense about who I am as a person. Here’s a slight cheat sheet: My emotions are mysterious like a feline’s and I’m quiet as a ninja. I’m a Ninja-cat! Nyaa!!! (<—Japanese term for “meow”, by the way). ^w^

However, my natural default means that I am often lonely and I have a very lonely soul. So, it’s not as cool as it sounds. u_u

I’m a very complicated person, yet I don’t take myself too seriously, but I don’t feel that I’m a total joke either. I have a wicked sense of humor and love to laugh, but not everything is worthy of a laugh. I’m always in a contemplative mode, or I’m not thinking at all and binging on very silly Youtube videos: like this. Veg out… @_@

I am very kind toward others, in general, but my kindness does have its limits. I’ve grown a bit cranky and less sympathetic in the following years, not overly so, but I have very little tolerance for drama queens or bullsh$t now. I will purr and cuddle with you, but rub me the wrong way and you will meet my kitty-claw jutsu. You have been warned. u_u

I enjoy comfortable silences and not speaking too much. This is something that my readers would never peg me for, being that my blogs tend to ramble and my private email replies are no different. Perhaps writing and speaking are two different things to me.

I’m mysterious and there’s so much MORE to me than what I let on, either in blogs, in emails, or in person. Hundreds of different people have been in and out of my life’s circle, of many cultures and life philosophies, and only three people ever managed to travel remotely close to knowing everything there is to know about me. That would be my sister, my friend in Vienna, and someone else who’s far into my past.

My dream is to meet someone special someday, who will earn the right to know ALL about me; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In the meanwhile, I’m working on not making those around me feel awkward or nervous. I do wish to become less lonely and to make more friends, not just online ones. However, I wish to do so in a way where I can remain my true ninja self and not force myself to become a bubbly chatty person, aka: someone that I am not.

Nyaa!!!! Thanks for reading. ^_^v


How To Deal With Trolls

0bdae5cdHere’s something that’s been on my mind for a while, yet I’ve been carefully observing and researching the subject, before deciding that I would share my final opinion on the matter. The following is a bit long and it deals with a lot of my own personal experiences with online trolls, so feel free to disregard the parts that you don’t agree with. ^_^v

Trigger Warning: This article includes graphic situations of harassment and online bullying.

To me, the internet is not just a place to watch funny videos, gain useful information, or to find cheat codes for a game. It’s a very complex social community, full of real people with real emotions, real experiences, and real lives. The only difference between an online community and an offline one, is the level of anonymity.

For example: My online self is often unseen, I don’t have to share a photo of myself (which I normally don’t), therefore most people are unaware of how tall I am, my weight, the color of my eyes, the texture of my hair, my race, my gender, my overall clothing style, and so on, unless I give those specific details. Even so, there must be a level of trust given that I am telling the truth.

I make it clear that I am a woman, have dyed blonde hair, and I’m a bit chubby… Although, I like the term “fluffy” better. I could be lying about those details and maybe I’m a skinny male, with dark spiky hair. I can also claim that I’m an astrophysicist, instead of a struggling writer, no one would be able to tell the difference. ^w^

Giggling aside, my point is that on the internet people can be whatever they wish to and choose only to show their best traits. Even though there is a very low chance (although not impossible) of others learning a person’s true traits, appearances, or careers. It’s harder to hide these details in a community offline, being that I could never pass for a skinny male astrophysicist with dark spiky hair in person. My cover would be blown on first glance!

For the most part, a lot of people don’t tend to pretend to be someone that they’re not online, but it does happen. In my experiences of being a part of different online communities for the past eighteen years, I’ve ran across three individuals who pretended to be the opposite than what they were in reality. In extreme ways, their real life gender, race, occupation, and location of where they had claimed to live didn’t match their online claims at all.

However, the biggest issue of the internet is much simpler than scam artists like this.

The_Porcelain_Mask_by_GinameAnonymity on the internet is more commonly used for online bullies/trolls. I have a much higher experience of trolls than anything else online. I seem to run across at least ten of them personally every year, many more indirectly, to the point that my blogs are moderated and comments aren’t automatically added, This is done to curb the encouragement of said disruption to my particular space.

I hate the fact that when I do get friendly and reasonable comments of discussion to my blogs, that user has to wait until I notice their comment and approve it, for it to appear in my comments below. I’m not against opposing views and I love intelligent discussions. I’m not keen on criticism, but if it’s constructive, I will allow it! Although, the kind of things that trolls tend to post aren’t intelligent, are not constructive criticism, nor meant for any discussion. The purpose is for disruption and harassment, and for the purpose of feeling “important” and to gain attention.

What is a troll? I think Extra Credits explains it best in their video about: Harassment. It’s not that these are highly ignorant people, nor do they want dialog, they just want attention. For whatever reasons, trolls crave attention, LOTS of it, and they seek to gain it by very negative means.

I’m tempted to say that trolling may be a form of mental illness, in a way, of people who lack the mental ability to gain positive attention and self-esteem reinforcement by the same positive means as most people do. It’s just a theory, I could be wrong. Maybe trolls are able to do so, but for whatever reasons choose to seek attention in very horrible ways. ;^_^>

One of the popular sayings for handling trolls is “Do not feed the trolls!”, which means that people should just ignore them and don’t respond/comment on their harassment. It seems like a plausible response, because the troll can’t gain any satisfaction if no attention is given to them.

anime_ahdontHowever, BrainCraft’s Vanessa Hill made a very good point in her video titled: Don’t Read The Comments. It’s really hard to not read or want to respond to comments, when the whole point of blogs, videos, news articles, and so on is to interact with a community of ideas. Even ones that we may disagree with on a personal level.

Stephen Fry has also offered the idea that it’s best to ignore the comment section altogether online, in order to avoid the hurt that can be gained by trolls seeking attention. For me, that seems like a very lonely thing to do and defeats the enjoyment that can be gained with sharing ideas with others or finding a commonality with others who have the same thoughts or ideas about a particular subject.

I often scroll the comments to share in the laughter over a particular funny clip or to browse the intelligent points that wasn’t bought up in a particular article. Sometimes, viewers or readers will ask very good questions that will spark a great intellectual discussion, thus adding more to the original video, blog, or article. It seems like a real shame to avoid that part of the experience, in order to save ourselves from the trite comments of trolls. o_O

Which brings me to the point that Mike Rugnetta of PBS Idea Channel spoke of in his video: The Experiences of Being Trolled. The idea that one should not feed the trolls or that it’s up to the individual to ignore harassment, places the responsibility of the harassment on the person being trolled and not on the environment hosting the trolling. And this doesn’t seem fair or right to me. A better solution would be to find a way to disincentivize trolling altogether.

The “don’t feed the trolls” idea seems to work on a temporary basis, because trolls do tend to go away when a community collectively turn away from them and refuse to give them the attention that they seek. However, a professional troll can always circumvent around that, by saying something so disturbing that one member loses it and respond eventually. And once the troll began trashing that person, others rush in to defend the victim, thus everyone winds up feeding the troll a healthy meal. >_<

Some have suggested that moderating a site and comments may help, as I tend to do with my blogs, although the negative side effect is that my readers have to wait for their comments to appear. Therefore another reader may not have the opportunity to comment beforehand to another’s comment, before I’m finally able to log online and reply to either. This means that my comment section lacks the natural ebb and flow of communication needed for a good online discussion.

However, the price of allowing open comments is far too high for me emotionally, as I honestly do have to take breaks from reading the comments on sites like Youtube, Facebook, or any news article, because I will get worked up by the hateful comments that are either racist, sexist, homophobic, death or rape threats to the creators or other viewers, and other horrible things.

In the past, my earlier blogs yielded such trolls and it caused my willingness to write and share anything to greatly falter, or caused my decision to delete the whole blog entirely. Seeing it happening to others, who have valuable ideas or enjoyable content to share online, it hurts. And it drudges up my personal past experiences of dealing with online harassment.

To Mike’s questions of “If you suffer from day after day, instance after instance, of the worse kind of trolling, is it not possible that the other kind – the argumentative/ negativity for negativity sake kind, might always become the threatening kind? Or serve as  a reminder of it? Or at the very least create an environment where it feels inevitable?”, my answer to that is a strong “YES.” to all of the above.

The reason why creators (including myself) usually place a “trigger warning” on their videos, stories, or articles dealing with abuse, even though some people may not have had that same experience with certain types of abuse, is because there is always a huge chance that some of the audience may have. There is an understanding that similar types of bad behavior can trigger a person.

Trolling for negativity sake often does mirror the threatening kind, for those who do or had suffered with extreme harassment online or off, and it can cause a profound psychological hurt or anxiety, no matter if it’s attended or not.

That’s my honest opinion and experience on it, anyway. (Side Note: I really am a fan of Mile’s channel, because he does asks the most insightful questions! I just had to mention that. ^_^v)

So, in conclusion… how do we deal with trolls? I don’t have the answer to that, but I’ll keep thinking more on it, along with the rest of the internet community. I’m very glad that there is a discussion happening about it and more people are becoming aware of this serious problem, I only hope that someday soon we will reach an collective solution that works for everyone… maybe not the trolls.

Meanwhile, I keep my blogs moderated and it’s fairly easy for me to delete troll comments behind the scenes, without it affecting me in a negative way. I try my best not to read the comments too often on other non-moderated sites. When I find myself reading a string of hateful comments, my blood pressure is climbing and tears are welling up, I tell myself “STOP!” and I click away the browser immediately. I never comment to the trolls and try my best to forget about the vile things I’ve read.

Thanks for reading! ^_^