My Awesome List (Nov. 2014)

agorange1Explanation: It’s far easier to list all of the bad drama in one’s life. For many people, it’s habitual to list everything that’s wrong with their lives (or what they perceive is wrong) and to forget about the good things that has happened as well. I’ve decided that I will keep a list of the awesome things that I’ve experienced within a month (in drafts), no matter how little (or big) each item may seem. And I shall post my list on the last day of said month in celebration! Hooray! ^o^/

agorange2This month’s color scheme is orange, simply because it the color that matches my birthstone.  And November somehow feels like an orange to me. Here we go…

1.) I am still enjoying my coffee mornings… like a boss!

2.) I made it to my 34th birthday! Whoo-hoo! The world hasn’t killed me yet! ^_^v

3.) Got a Firefly t-shirt and anime DVD “The Wind Rises” for presents! Whoo! ^o^/

4.) I was able to repeat my knowledge of black holes, the theory that black holes may be portals to other realities, explained “Event Horizons” and “spaghettification”  to someone else perfectly. I can has science! ^w^

5.) Learned that Laurence Fishburne is married to Gina Torres, which I had no clue of this before!!! Morpheus and Zoe??? AWESOME! O_O

6.) Created a Twitter account! Check it out here: @NerdyGrlDani.

7.) Had the best blueberry muffins I’ve ever tasted in my entire life! We’re now happily married, because I love them so much. =p

8.) Screamed in terror and laughed wildly, as I watched the playable trailer known as: Silent Hill: P.T.!

9.) I have become more accustomed to the early winters here in Minnesota now. It’s not as brutal to me anymore. And I’ve decided to stay here and live out my life for a few decades at the least!

10.) I decided to treat myself to British chocolates for the first time, via ordering my event calendar  from Dan and Phil. ^o^v

agcatsorange11.) Even though I felt miffed or neglected a few times this month, I dusted myself off and carried on.

12.) It became so very clear to me, all at once, that I’ve only got one life to live… so why waste it on not doing what I enjoy, to hang around people that I don’t like, or putting up with disagreeable folks? So, I quit that nonsense and did it my way!

13,) I’ve beaten depression, officially! For now, I’m free of it completely and I’m so very excited about what is to come for me in my future! There are billions and billions of possibilities, as there are stars in the cosmos…

14.) I had a great Thanksgiving… or what I liked to call it, “Turkey Day”! ^_^v

15.) I laughed a lot this month, much more than I felt sad or angry. That’s always a plus!

16.) Enjoyed a lot of crab this month, gifts for my birthday! I had crab sushi and crab cakes (made with blue crab). It was delicious! ^o^v

17.) Was followed on Twitter by a music and art group called The Grand White Fox. Lots of beautiful music added to wonderful artwork!

And that’s it for my list, probably for a while, as I’m plotting to taking a long break from this blog soon. More on that later!

Thanks for reading, as always! ^_^v

-D

New Definitions!

agirl_reading3I’ve gained new definition for situations and ideas in life. Some were gained within my new life in Minnesota, but a few I’ve learned months before moving here. Either way, I feel like sharing a few of them here for writing sake. ^_^v

Keep in mind that these definitions may evolve in time, with age and new experiences, and they are my personal understanding of a word or situation. In other words, it’s not THE definition for everyone nor are they necessarily static definitions for me. It’s just my own understandings for now.

1.) Cold – When I lived on the East Coast, my understanding of this word was winter weather within 23-22 Fahrenheit. Now that I’ve lived in Minnesota for over a year, this definition has changed to 1F, minus 5 – minus 35 degrees. Anything lower than that is INSANE, but the word “cold” has a new definition for me now. I miss the “mild” winters of the East Coast! =p

2.) Friendship – My past definitions of this was very childish and backwards, until I actually made real friends in my late twenties. Recently, my definition has upgraded to: Friends are people that I connect with, feel close enough to share personal secrets with, and people that I don’t have to perform for or vice versa. Basically, they’re people who I like and they like me, and we share more than just idle chit-chat. A bond doesn’t happen overnight, within a few weeks, or a month. Friendship tends to happen for me after a long time of hanging out with a person.

agirl_presents3.) Gifts – A gift is when an item is given to someone, without the expectation of gaining something back in return. This includes the expectations of: gaining money or gifts back, expecting loyalty or friendship in return for the gift, expecting quality time spent in return, or expecting a person to do tasks for you or to  change some facet of themselves for said gift.

For example, if a friends buys me a new car, but expect me to drive them wherever they wish to go, at their own particular schedule with that car, then it really wasn’t a gift at all. It was a bribe to obligate me into a contract of being their personal chauffeur! O_O

I don’t give gifts, unless I mean to, and they’re without an expectation of return. That’s why I don’t like accepting items or money from others, because I don’t have the time or money to replace them. However, if a person is truly giving me a gift, I will accept it and I will say thank-you for it! And that’s all a person should really expect when giving a gift to someone, a thank you, not a contract of “You owe me now!”

4.) Knowledge / Discovery – I’ve been humbled by the amount of knowledge available out there in the universe and how much I’ve yet to discover. No matter how much I think that I have learned, there’s so MUCH more out there in the cosmos. I’m nothing more than a child, learning how to take her first steps in the vast landscape of knowledge. So, my definition of knowledge has became interchangeable with the word “discovery”.  ^_^

agirl_hugs!5.) Kindness – I use to believe that a person being “kind” to me meant something extreme, like spending insane amounts of time chatting with me, giving me honest gifts, or constructing flowery speeches of praise and awe towards me. NOPE. Although those things are nice, true kindness is much more simpler than that, and tends to resonate with me much longer.

It means taking  a few seconds to type out “Happy Birthday” to someone, spending a few minutes in a chat (in person, on the phone, or internet), clicking a “like” button of someone’s post, or giving a nice hug. Just saying “hello” or “good morning” to someone can brighten their whole day! No need to go overboard with grand gestures, in order to be a decent human being toward each other.

6.) Epiphany – The Greek definition of this emotion is ” is an experience of sudden and striking realization”. For me, the definition is: The moment that I look up from the denial and excuses, and is faced with an undeniable truth of a  situation or event! Whenever I gain an epiphany, things change in my life completely, mostly for the better. And I’ve had quite a few good ones this autumn and winter!

7.) Being Strong – I use to believe this meant to be fearless, no struggle, no tears, no doubts, and no hurts. I thought the meaning of being strong was that a person is badass all day, every day. NOPE! Being strong means to feel like giving up, but carrying on in spite of that feeling. Courage means to be afraid, but doing it anyway. Strong people cry, feel doubt, and hurt like everyone else. What makes that person strong is that they continue to move forward regardless.

That’s all for my small list, for now. As always, thanks for reading!

-D

aglaptop1And if you’re interested in Twitter, you can find me there: @NerdyGrlDani. I tweet almost daily, mostly science, comedy, video gaming, and awesome music! See you there! ^_^v

Aaliyah – Try Again

tumblr_static_1ra4bld6e6684s0w88oosc44kThis a really old one that I loved as a young woman. It’s very true to my overall dating style, I’m not easily won, as I must find out of it will “be eternity or just a week”. And I pretty much know when someone is being themselves or playing a role. The latter is a real turn-off, by the way. Just be yourself and you’ll do fine. Unless your true self is a douchebag, then… well… erm… don’t be a douchebag! ;^_^>

This was a great one by Aaliyah, I hope that she is resting in peace. She is so very much missed and is still within our hearts!

 

It’s Okay To Not Know!

aggirltestI think everyone has that resistance within  them, where they don’t like to be wrong at anything. I have it too, I hate when I’ve misunderstood something or am the last to learn a change in data. I don’t want to be wrong, I want to be always right, like The Doctor… because he’s clever. =p

However, the simple truth is that we’re not an over 2000 year old Time Lord from the planet Galifrey, so we’re liable to get things wrong from time to time. Even The Doctor has made a few mistakes, has admitted it, and called himself an “idiot” a few times. ^w^

I think the reason why we hate being wrong or not knowing something is because society teaches us at a very young age that getting the wrong answer to a question means a poor mark on that exam or a lower grade. So we quickly learn that “incorrect” or “I don’t know” equals “the end of the world as we know it!”. Ahhhhhhh!!! \OnO/

The positive side to being mistaken or finding ourselves unfamiliar within a subject is that it’s an opportunity to discover and update our data with a shiny new bauble of information, that we otherwise would have missed if weren’t told that we were mistaken in the first place.

aghomeworkI see myself as a woman that is constantly learning and discovering new information daily. I sometimes get it wrong, is ill-informed, and need to learn or update my database.  However, I shouldn’t feel badly when this happens. as it means that I’m in the process of discovering. To believe that I know everything there is to know about anything is a hubris that will leave me far behind everyone else in the ever evolving informational highway of society.

To err is be human and, like it or not, I am human. And even though I don’t agree with change easily and I often fear it, it doesn’t mean that the meaning of society, language, political thought, scientific research and otherwise are going to stand still for my personal comfort.

Pluto was considered a planet for many years and now it is not. I can’t keep calling it a planet, just because I’ve known it to be so for my entire childhood and my young adult life. I must update my database and get over it. To insist that Pluto is a planet would place me in the dark ages, where people insisted that the world was flat, no matter of the new information to the contrary.

agstudyingI’m learning that being “wrong” or mistaken is not the end of the world, but just one of those pop-ups on my system that says, “There’s a new upgrade available for this program.” I can click the button and choose to upgrade, even though my system is going to need a restart and that will interrupt my Youtube marathon. However, I will be better off with the new security features and once it’s done, I don’t have to worry about another upgrade for a while.  ^_^

“It’s okay not to know all the answers. It’s better to admit our ignorance than to believe answers that might be wrong. Pretending to know everything closes the door to finding out what’s really there. ” – Neil deGrasse Tyson (“Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey” 2014/ Episode 11: Unafraid Of The Dark)

I find it a lot exciting and mesmerizing that the older I get, the more my mind expands with new updated information. I have more creative and philosophical ideas,  social and political views, and updated scientific information rattling around inside my brain than I had access to as a child or could comprehend at that age. As I get older, my brain develops further with new information, which seems like a grand adventure to me! The game is on! ^o^/

However, it’s best to be mindful against “junk” knowledge, like conspiracy theories or anecdotal ideas set as “truths”. This kind of data can be fun sometimes, but it’s basically the junk foods of all knowledge and too much of it will ruin your intellectual health and rot your brain.  Please… enough with the Illuminati gibberish already! Read a physics book or listen to StarTalk Radio once in a while, it’s much more healthier for your mind. ^_^v

I look forward to the new things that I’ll learn each day and will keep learning until the end of my life. Not knowing everything at any one time feeds the hunt for more knowledge and makes the world and universe a more exciting place to discover, I believe. It’s difficult to stay bored for very long, when there’s so much to learn and study!

And I shall leave you with a wonderful quote of another scientist that I admire VERY much: “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” – Bill Nye (The Science Guy)

So don’t despair in not knowing something YET, you always have time to learn if you want to. Keep researching and be sure to keep your systems updated! Happy knowledge hunting, everyone!

And thanks for reading! ^_^v

-D

Writing Addiction?

Anime-Girl-Japanese-Calligraphy-Shodo-WallpaperThis is something that has been on my mind for a while… Are all addictions bad ones? I grew up around terrible drug and alcohol addicts, so I do know that certain addictions are REALLY bad and painful, not just for the person who’s addicted but for those around them . I’m not questioning that for a second! Yes, that kind of addiction is bad… BAD! u_u

What I wonder about are other kinds of addictions. For example, some fans are crazy about collecting items of their favorite shows or books. They will stand in long lines for hours in a night for a store to open, so that they may purchase said item. Sometimes, that person may even camp outside that store, desperate to get that item for their collection.

Some fans obsess over their favorite books, movies, characters, and so on, to the point that they’re addicted to this particular media. I don’t see this as harmful, unless the person skips work or spend the money they should have used for bills on that collection..

Maybe the definition of addiction is when it becomes an obsession that affects the quality of someone’s life. For example, bills are unpaid, they become thieves in order to support their habit, they gain broken relationships because of their habit, loss of health, or loss of a job. Or maybe that’s an overly simplified definition of what addiction means. I honestly don’t know. o_O

The reason why I’m mauling over the definition of addiction, is because I have a strong obsession to writing. Seriously, I can’t stop and every time I do take a break from it, I feel uneasy, anxious, disturbed, and utterly lost until I start up again.

The most I’ve  stopped writing was for an entire month, when I first moved to Minnesota and my laptop decided to die on me. Yes, I remember the nightmare well…

I had switched to my Kindle Fire for that month, in order to keep in contact with my friends on Facebook and emails. I was able to do my usual Youtube marathons (another addiction on its own), keep up with my science learning, listen to music, watch movies, and play video games as I’ve always done with my laptop. The only thing that was missing was the ability to write my novels.

I tried searching for a good writing program for my Kindle and came up with programs that were so basic that it made the “notepad” program on any PC seem like a fancy one with too many features.

Death_Note_KiraLaughThe other problem is that all touch-screen keyboards are a tool created by the devil and it was hard enough to finish my email replies to friends without auto-correct making sure to change a word that took many minutes to actually type out on screen. “Help?” Auto-correct replied, “No, I’m changing it to ‘ham’! Trolololo!” >_>

I know the keyboard on my laptop very well, like the back of my hand. I rarely look at it to type (unless I’m entering numbers… I don’t know my number pad too well) and my fingers tend to move as quickly as my thoughts do.

I’ve often continued writing a sentence of a story, when my sister asks a question, while facing her and giving her an answer simultaneously. I know my keyboard by instinct and memory, that’s probably why I can write novels in such a short span of time. And it’s probably why I can still write, even though my vision is so very poor in general.

Just give me a good word program like “Open Office” and I’ll daydream a story while mindlessly typing out those thoughts on screen in real time. Writing gives me a “high” and when I type the last line of a 90,000 or more word document, there is a sense of great satisfaction within me.

When my laptop died and I was unable to get a replacement for an entire month, the Kindle was a poor substitute and didn’t soothe my addiction. The first week, I tried to be brave and enjoy what I did have, but then I began to slip into deep depression.

I stayed in bed and slept away my days, I hardly ate or bathed, and I cried a lot. I became highly uninterested in Youtube, video games, science, and everything else. I withdrew from everyone. u_u

anime-girl-65When I got my new laptop (a used replacement of my old one) and my harddrive was transferred over, the first thing I did was blog and then fall into writing a teen series. I completely scrapped that project after a month of it, because it wasn’t very good, but I enjoyed the fact of being able to write once again! I went on to write better novels and to create this blog.

As a writer, I do wish to gain acknowledgement for my works of expression someday, however it doesn’t seem to matter to me if it never happens. I write because I’m addicted to it. You’re actually reading the remnants of a woman who’s gaining her next “hit” within her long standing addiction to writing. o_O

So again, I am wondering if this is a bad thing, a good thing, or something more complicated and in-between. So far, my earlier guess to a definition of addiction does not apply to mine: I’m not neglecting my bills for writing accessories, I’m not losing relationships over my habit, I’m not stealing from others in order to support my habit, my health or eye disease is unrelated to my writing, and it’s not affecting my loved ones in any negative way.

In fact, my friends and family are my captive audience, waiting for new blog posts or works of fiction, which is awesome. I am encouraged to write more, if anything else.

Maybe I’m what they call a “functional addict”, which are people who can are drug addicted or alcoholics, yet keep a job and pay their bills all the same. Those addicts are still dealing with something bad and harmful to their lives, but they function well enough to not be detected by coworkers or law enforcement.

anime girl sleeping on deskHowever, if I am honest, there have been times when I didn’t bathe, sleep, or eat because I was so locked into a story plot and just couldn’t leave my characters in peril until I’ve finished “just one more chapter!”. My sister had to nudge me to eat something a few times, as I would completely forget to do so, while engrossed in my writing.

It doesn’t happen often and I try my best not to lose myself often, in spite of what Eminem says. Although, I am a little annoyed with myself when I announce “I’m taking a writing break!” and it only lasts for a week at the most. I’m good with abandoning my blogs for months or years at a time, but I do so to write novels instead. Hmm…

Maybe I’m thinking too deeply about this, but it is something that I am thinking of all the same. I’m not overly worried about it, I’m just sharing for the sake of writing about it. And I experience a high whenever I end my posts as well. Like…. now! *_*

Thanks for reading! ^_^v

-D

Accepting “Alone”

animeggrl_aloneThis month, I’m working on something in therapy: how to be okay with being alone. When I think of the word “alone”, an extreme idea of total isolation in a dark room, no human contact, and totally cut off from the outside world crosses my mind. And that extreme freaks me out. O_O

However, that’s not the reality of it whatsoever. Being alone can mean: being self sufficient, as in relying on myself to complete tasks, instead of always needing someone else to do them for me. It means not needing anyone else to grant my self-esteem and gaining self confidence on my own merits, being able to enjoy my free time without having it totally dependent on someone else.

I’ve feared being alone my entire life, which often resulted in accepting horrible “friends” or settling for other abusive relationships. Ninety-eight percent of the time, I knew full well these people were jerks and a-holes from the start, but I feared being alone so much that I would put up with them, just to claim that I wasn’t alone. And it was a hurtful situation,  because when I was in these relationships I felt more lonely than I ever did without them.

So, I’m getting stronger and trying to learn how to become more self-sufficient and okay with being alone. I want to be able to say someday, “Yes, I can live alone and I’ll be just fine.” ^_^

That’s not to say that I don’t wish for a special someone, nice friends, and occasional buddies to chat with. To quote Christopher McCandless, “Happiness is only real when shared.” Humans aren’t meant to be isolated, but that’s not the goal in the first place.

animegrl_snowMy goal is to be at a point where it’s harder for me to put up with jerks, because my happiness will not hinge on needing someone to do tasks for me, to make me feel less lonely, to read my stuff and to comment on it, to claim some sort of social status of “I have someone too!”, nor a need for someone to tell me that I’m pretty or smart all the time, in order for me to believe it myself.

In other words, I don’t want to NEED someone in order to feel okay about who I am as a human being, nor that person to NEED me for that same reason. I wish to WANT that person, because they’re decent and awesome, and really enjoy their company in life. I wish for that person to WANT me in their lives for the same reason, not because they feel that without me around they will “go insane” or can’t function in their overall lives.

I’ve had relationships before like that, where the person was solely dependent on me in order to function. At first, it felt like I was “special”, but after a short while it became TOO MUCH, and I felt like a tool to that person rather than feeling wanted or loved. Nor did I feel appreciated for my true self, only needed for what I could do for them to help alleviate their personal pressures or insecurities.

 

It shouldn’t be, “I have to have that person in my life, otherwise I’m lonely, lost, and have no life.”, for me or for that person. I want something more than that for myself and the person I choose as a lover. I want us to be able to say instead, “I want to have that person in my life, because I love them very much, and I appreciate them for their good traits and accept most of their flaws as well. And I love spending time with this person, even when I’m not afraid, dealing with something harsh in life, or need an ego boost.”

With this kind of attitude, jerks will not gain access to my life’s circle just because they were there, willing to speak to or email me, and I felt panicked about being alone. I won’t be settling for less than what I believe that I deserve, in order to run away from my fears of being alone. I will make better choices on who I decide to befriend and let into my life, based on who the person is and not just because they’ve showed up and gave me a little attention.

animegirlclockSo far, I’ve been doing well with this in the past few months, as a couple of jerks did show up. Once I realized that they were jerks, and that I was beginning to excuse the fact of it because I was so afraid of being alone, I stopped. I took a deep breath, analyzed the situation, and then backed the hell away from those individuals. ;^_^>

It’s a work in progress, but soon it will become more of an automatic response for me, instead of two weeks of putting up with crap. My goal reaction time will be less than a day or a mere moment.

The weird part is, I DO enjoy my alone moments, when I am writing. I can’t exactly write while in the middle of a party or chatting with someone anyway. I’m okay with being alone as I write, I need that kind of isolation in order to finish a book or blog post. It’s when I’m NOT writing (those rare moments) that I feel the panic of “I need someone!” and then I carelessly let in the wrong individuals.

It’s kind of bad when my relatives react with “Oh, no…” whenever I mention a new possible friend. So, I want to change my reputation and habit, by changing my instant fear and reaction to being alone. Wish me luck! ^_^v

Thanks for reading!

-D