My Daily Life v.2!

Picture: Anime girl writingI’ve written a post like this before, a long time ago, but I’m in the mood to share an updated version about my daily life. I’m inspired to share, because I’ve noticed how easy it is for everyone to forget that behind every comment, post, and article there is a real human being behind the content shared online. It’s not just a faceless algorithm, but people, Soylent Green! I’m very much human. ^_^

My typical day starts off with stumbling out of bed (at midnight – five a.m.) and down the hall to the bathroom. Don’t worry, I’m not sick or anything, it just takes a while for my limbs and brain to fully wake up. I then return back to my room, set up my laptop, log into my email account, and reply to any emails I’ve gotten from acquaintances overnight. Next, I check out the “Japanese Word Of The Day”, still hanging onto the quest of learning the language. “Ki” means “tree” in Japanese. Are you impressed yet? ^w^

I enjoy a video from Good Mythical Morning, while eating breakfast. And, because I’m drinking less coffee these days, I watch a video from Jacksepticeye to give me that extra pep in my step. Caution: Be sure that your volume is not way up for Jack’s videos… it will result in an ear bleed! I’ve forgotten to turn down my volume before, mistakes were made!!!

After that, I choose one of my music playlists and spend three hours writing a manuscript of some sort, take a break to watch another YouTube video, write my manuscript for another couple of hours, take a break to do chores (laundry or whatnot), write my manuscript for more hours, take a break for a meal and chatter with my sister, write my manuscript, study science and math, then sleep. This is my usual weekday.

On the weekends, I tend to either binge on some Netflix series, write and code my little attempts of a video game, write/delete drafts for my blog here, spend massive hours enjoying The Sims 4 or another video game, visit my favorite hair salon, listen to StarTalk Radio, or sleep for an insane amount of hours (up to ten hours sometimes). These activities tend to vary, it depends heavily on my mood for that weekend, but basically that’s my days to goof off and do whatever the hell I want to.

My daily schedule tends to stay the same, is interrupted when I must leave the house for post-op eye care, usual medical check-ups (I keep my flu-shot updated!), and therapy sessions every other week. I always falter when people ask me the question of “Are you doing anything fun or special today?”, because I’m not sure if they would consider my predictable life as anything fun or special at all. However, I do like my life, except for one tiny complaint….

I think I would be a bit happier, if I had close friends and a sense of community where I could belong to. In other words, a social life of some kind and a sense of “home”. I don’t mean something huge and grand, like a large group of friends, endless parties, and so on. I would like a few friends that I can connect with, maybe a love interest, and some place in this world where I could belong to.

Picture: anime girl in class.I’m currently in the process of working on that, with my therapist, as I’m highly socially awkward and lacking the skills on how to make friends or to how to socialize in general. Outside of the settings of school or work, it’s pretty challenging for someone that’s my age to do (Ech… I’m age 35… I hate admitting that!). So, I look forward to the possibility of returning back to an offline school setting someday. Please wish me luck… I’m going to need it! ;^_^>

I am grateful, however, that I’ve come as far as I have in finding my happiness in life. I live in a safe and peaceful neighborhood, in a town that I absolutely adore, have new vision in my left eye, have found new strengths within myself, and have a pretty enjoyable daily life. So, I don’t want to sound too greedy, with my wish for a social life too. However, feeling lonely all the time totally sucks rocks!

Anyhoo… here’s a song that I want to share for today: Go Solo (Niklas Ibach Remix). Thanks for reading, as always, dear readers! And I wish everyone a great week! ^o^v

-D

Let Me Be Clear…

Picture: Anime best friends.I am a rambler. You may have noticed by my 1000+ word posts on my blog but, trust me, it’s a lot worse in person! That is, under the right circumstances, as when I first meet people or don’t know a person well enough yet to become comfortable around them socially I’m very quiet and don’t say much. However, when I know a person and feel comfortable around them, they’re subjected to my endless chatter that can last for hours, without a real pause. Oops. ;^_^>

I have a flaw of failing to keep an idea or expression “sweet and to the point”, which is really a trait of the storyteller within me, and it’s useful for writing blogs or 90,000+ word novels.  I believe that it will serve me well in writing research papers in my academic future. However, in the social arena, this flaw can become a lot cumbersome.

For example, most people can simply explain, “Ms. Winchester put the tea kettle in the kitchen sink.” when describing that event and be done with it. I, on the other hand, will go into detail of what Ms. Winchester was wearing, the color and style of her hair, the pattern of the tea-set, the distinct sound the kettle made when it was rested on the bottom of the metal basin, and many more tiny details like that.

I admire people who can just express themselves in one or two sentences, instead of a long winded stories! It seems very practical in modern communications, in texts or tweets, to have such a skill in saying much with less. I love Twitter, but I often feel a lot frustrated with the 240 character limit, because I am struggling to learn the art of micro-communication. It’s difficult for a person as long winded and detail orientated such as myself, to say the least.

I often struggle to spit out my overall point to any view, thought, or opinion. I subject my readers and listeners to metaphors and anecdotes, before getting on with it. If this is annoying to you, I do apologize. However, if you find my ramblings enjoyable, then.. yeah, I meant to do it! ^_^v

Speaking of which, I should move on to my overall point of this post now…

Picture: Kyo Sohma with cats.For most of my life, I’ve been a doormat to other people’s whims, wants, and needs, while having to deal with my own wants and needs in life by myself. It’s a mystery to me why people seem compelled to use me as a dumping ground for their problems, life dramas, and frustrations. I am very empathetic to others, however that does not mean that I care ALL of the time about every little thing and hiccup in another’s life. I am not a suitable therapist for anyone, as I must see a therapist for my own life issues and hiccups. I’m really not qualified to solve others personal issues!

And yet, people have ignored my disclaimers and decided to dump their emotional baggage on me willy-nilly. The problem is (I theorize), that I am rambler. When I was getting hurt in social communications, feeling a lot burdened and sometimes personally insulted, I responded in a way that was much too passive and long winded.

As a slight metaphor, I would respond in long winded replies such as this: “Dear, sirs. I must insist that you consider not standing on my toes at this very moment…”. And this would be followed by several paragraphs explaining how much their behavior was hurting and bruising my toes, how I wish to remain in communication with them but ask that they not speak to me so closely, and setting the boundary of standing arm-length away from me while having conversation

I am never sure if people ever bothered to read the whole response, just skimming down to the part that says “I look forward to having more conversations with you in the future. Respectfully, Dani.”, then deciding that there isn’t a problem at all. Or perhaps, they did read the whole letter and scoffed, “Whatever. I’m going to continue to stand on her toes. What’s she going to do about it? Write another long winded letter at me?” u_u

However, after many years of people ignoring my boundaries and not understanding that they are hurting me, I grew a lot tired of it. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older or I’ve been gaining a real sense of self-esteem through my therapy (or perhaps the combination of the two), I have gained an ability of self-preservation. My pattern of begging others to respect my boundaries in long winded online messages or in face-to-face conversation has evolved.

I will start with the long winded approach at the first or second attempt, but quickly my new-found temper will arise. I’ve learned the “art” of cursing people the f#%k out now, which is not rambling nor passive. It’s very aggressive, short and to the point, and people seem to understand it a lot better. I rather not communicate in such an unrefined and less creative way, however I can’t argue with the results!

Picture: Anime guy shouting.People who would choose to keep dumping their emotional baggage, insults, and drama on me, while ignoring my pleas that it’s hurting me, DO back off and give me a wide berth after I’ve told them what they can do, with whom or what, and how. And it’s what I wished for in the first place, for these difficult types to LEAVE ME ALONE! I can’t help but to feel giddy and happy with those results, however, I am still trying to find a more peaceful way to handle conflicts and difficult people. Swearing and physical fighting is not a graceful way of solving ones problems. However… my god, it is so much fun and satisfying!!! Hee-hee! ^o^/

It’s not a perfect lesson, but I learned that if I want to be treated with respect and like a human being in this world, I must stand up for myself and be a little aggressive, a little selfish at times, and swear like a Irishman! Sometimes, people are reasonable enough to take the hint with a polite and long winded note to stop, which is why I still give it a chance once or twice (at the most). Those are usually reasonable people who don’t mean any harm and they back off once alerted that they’re standing on my toes.

However, for those who are selfish, thoughtless, aggressively disrespecting my boundaries, and dismissing my comfort altogether… Well… In order to spare any children or to avoid offending the sensibilities of a few adults who may be reading this, I will share the perfect song for you. It’s a cute little Irish ditty called: Chicken Song. And please take what the chicken says to heart, as that is my message to you! …Politely, of course. ^w^

And, for my wonderful loyal readers, if you’re not sensitive to swears and never heard of this song before, check it out anyway. It’s hilarious! Don’t take what the chicken says to heart, because I don’t mean it towards you. LOL!

As always, thanks for reading my rambles! I wish everyone a really good day. ^_^v

-D

My Last Eye Update!

Picture: happy anime girl.I’m happy to announce that this will be my last eye update for a very long time! My corneal transplant was a huge success and I am very happy to report it.  ^_^

Let me start off with the proverbial disclaimer, that this is just my personal story of success, as the results of corneal transplant may and do vary with every case of Keratoconus. Every story of this procedure is different, as every case of this rare eye disease is different. If you’re curious about corneal transplant or other eye treatments for your disease, please seek the advice of a trained professional in order to find the right treatment for you! Now, onto my personal story…

Leading up to my surgery, I felt a lot anxious and worried about it, but I was more anxious to just get it over with and began my recovery. I was so determined, that I refused to let a blizzard get in my way of the surgery! Dr. Maguire had called every patient personally, warning us of the huge blizzard to hit Minnesota on February 2nd, and offered us two options: To either reschedule or the option of staying in a hotel close to the clinic and braving the fifteen minute trip through a major storm.

I’m a very stubborn woman, I did not wish to wait for another week or so, and therefore I choose the risky option of staying in a hotel and braving the storm.  My sister (Kelli), roommate (Edith), two small dogs (Fifi and Apollo), and I gathered into my roommate’s car and made the hour and a half trip to the hotel,  in the middle of the night to beat the blizzard.

The money that I had saved up previously had came in handy, as I was able to pay for a two night stay at a swanky three bed hotel room. It was beautiful, with added wi-fi and cable TV, and I enjoyed watching Doctor Who on the BBC America channel. As we slept there during the rest of the night, the blizzard hit hard and it was white-out conditions by morning.

It was difficult to see any of the roads, my roommate struggled to drive us to the clinic, and the car was filled with such anxiety. There are a lot of winding roads on our travels and many ditches, which other motorists were driving off into, and a trailer-truck was jackknifed on the highway from an accident. I sat in the backseat of the car, with a very frighten little dog,  we were all covered head to toe with melting snow, my heart was racing and hoping that we would get there safely.

I have to admit that my roommate is a very excellent driver and she got us there and back again in one piece! I owe her for indulging my stubbornness and getting me to my surgery on time! Edith ROCKS! ^o^v

Dr. Maguire and staff was very relieved and happy that I had made it for my surgery. Everyone was so kind, helpful, and understanding that I was a lot nervous and anxious about the whole thing.

As they lied me down on the operating table and placed the oxygen mask over my face, I whimpered and began to have a panic attack. I told the anesthetist that I was a bit claustrophobic and he was kind enough to remove the mask and administer the oxygen in another way, placing the tube next to my chin instead, and coaxing me to take deep breaths. A second later, I was unconscious and they began the surgery.

I woke up without pain and an eye-shield over my left eye. I was still out of it, from the anesthesia, so the first thing I said to the nurses was “When do I get my eye patch? I want to be a pirate. I like pirates…” Then I said randomly, “I’m such a science nerd! I want to go to school to study physics.” I fell asleep again…

When I opened my eyes a bit later, my sister was sitting next to my bed, and Dr. Maguire was no longer in scrubs and wearing his usual suit and tie. He explained that everything went well and that I could go back to the hotel for rest. Then my sister presented me with two stuffed kitties from the gift-shop, one has a mustache for some reason, the other was a cute little fluffy black kitten. I sat the fluffy one on my tray, as the nurses gave me a bit of yogurt before I left the hospital.

By the time I reached the hotel, the pain began and I was super sensitive to every light. We had to turn off everything and it hurt so much for me to even look at the screen of my cellphone. This doesn’t happen to everyone who have the surgery, it seems that I’m just super sensitive to light after my surgery and it triggered migraines, which was the bulk of my pain. The next day, I returned to the clinic and a nurse provided me with dark glasses, which made my situation a lot less painful.

Dr. Maguire dimmed the lights of the room and preformed my first eye test. The moment felt like a freaking miracle! Just less than two days after my surgery, my left eye have the acuity of 20/100, without glasses or any other corrective lenses! I can’t remember my left eye having this much vision, because it’s been well over sixteen years since I’ve been able to read anything with that eye, long before I was first diagnosed with Keratoconus.

The best part of it is, my acuity will rise even greater over the next couple of months, this is just the very beginning! My sister confessed to wanting to cry in that moment, because I could not read the huge E on the top of the chart before, and now I was reading three lines below the E perfectly. Dr. Maguire was very pleased and impressed with the outcome, as he gave a hearty “Hooah!” (US Army response of affirmative) and noted that my current vision is “walk around vision”. The best is yet to come and I’m certain that I’ll be okay from now on. ^_^

My journey is not over yet, as I have an appointment next week, and more appointments after that, to remove stitches and to check on my progress. However, just as I am stubborn in spirit, my body is stubborn to continue its course in healing. The pain has fallen by a lot in the last few days and my sensitivity to light is fading away. In fact, I’m writing this usual rambling blog, just four days after my surgery, without the aid of Rupert (my screen-reader). What do you think? Pretty good, eh?

Anyway, I know that the majority of my readers aren’t here for such eye ramblings and I will return back to my usual inherited madness and randomness. I just wanted to leave just one last post about my eye issue, which will hopefully be resolved for the next ten to twenty years! I’m happy and excited about my future! Hooray!

As always, thanks for reading! I’m going to rest a bit now, but I’ll catch you on the flip-side! ^o^v

-D

P.S. – I owe all of my thanks to my sister, Edith (roommate), Julie (best friend), Mahonia, Dr. Brenda (my therapist), all the medical doctors and nurses, and most of all to Dr. Leo J. Maguire, who has put his expertise to hard work in order to help give me a second chance in life. I very much appreciate all of the support I’ve gotten from everyone, mentioned or not, as it taught me that the world may not be such a bad place after all… at least not all of the time. And yes, there should be an annotation above my head that reads, “Dani will remember that.”  =p