Let Me Be Clear…

Picture: Anime best friends.I am a rambler. You may have noticed by my 1000+ word posts on my blog but, trust me, it’s a lot worse in person! That is, under the right circumstances, as when I first meet people or don’t know a person well enough yet to become comfortable around them socially I’m very quiet and don’t say much. However, when I know a person and feel comfortable around them, they’re subjected to my endless chatter that can last for hours, without a real pause. Oops. ;^_^>

I have a flaw of failing to keep an idea or expression “sweet and to the point”, which is really a trait of the storyteller within me, and it’s useful for writing blogs or 90,000+ word novels.  I believe that it will serve me well in writing research papers in my academic future. However, in the social arena, this flaw can become a lot cumbersome.

For example, most people can simply explain, “Ms. Winchester put the tea kettle in the kitchen sink.” when describing that event and be done with it. I, on the other hand, will go into detail of what Ms. Winchester was wearing, the color and style of her hair, the pattern of the tea-set, the distinct sound the kettle made when it was rested on the bottom of the metal basin, and many more tiny details like that.

I admire people who can just express themselves in one or two sentences, instead of a long winded stories! It seems very practical in modern communications, in texts or tweets, to have such a skill in saying much with less. I love Twitter, but I often feel a lot frustrated with the 240 character limit, because I am struggling to learn the art of micro-communication. It’s difficult for a person as long winded and detail orientated such as myself, to say the least.

I often struggle to spit out my overall point to any view, thought, or opinion. I subject my readers and listeners to metaphors and anecdotes, before getting on with it. If this is annoying to you, I do apologize. However, if you find my ramblings enjoyable, then.. yeah, I meant to do it! ^_^v

Speaking of which, I should move on to my overall point of this post now…

Picture: Kyo Sohma with cats.For most of my life, I’ve been a doormat to other people’s whims, wants, and needs, while having to deal with my own wants and needs in life by myself. It’s a mystery to me why people seem compelled to use me as a dumping ground for their problems, life dramas, and frustrations. I am very empathetic to others, however that does not mean that I care ALL of the time about every little thing and hiccup in another’s life. I am not a suitable therapist for anyone, as I must see a therapist for my own life issues and hiccups. I’m really not qualified to solve others personal issues!

And yet, people have ignored my disclaimers and decided to dump their emotional baggage on me willy-nilly. The problem is (I theorize), that I am rambler. When I was getting hurt in social communications, feeling a lot burdened and sometimes personally insulted, I responded in a way that was much too passive and long winded.

As a slight metaphor, I would respond in long winded replies such as this: “Dear, sirs. I must insist that you consider not standing on my toes at this very moment…”. And this would be followed by several paragraphs explaining how much their behavior was hurting and bruising my toes, how I wish to remain in communication with them but ask that they not speak to me so closely, and setting the boundary of standing arm-length away from me while having conversation

I am never sure if people ever bothered to read the whole response, just skimming down to the part that says “I look forward to having more conversations with you in the future. Respectfully, Dani.”, then deciding that there isn’t a problem at all. Or perhaps, they did read the whole letter and scoffed, “Whatever. I’m going to continue to stand on her toes. What’s she going to do about it? Write another long winded letter at me?” u_u

However, after many years of people ignoring my boundaries and not understanding that they are hurting me, I grew a lot tired of it. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older or I’ve been gaining a real sense of self-esteem through my therapy (or perhaps the combination of the two), I have gained an ability of self-preservation. My pattern of begging others to respect my boundaries in long winded online messages or in face-to-face conversation has evolved.

I will start with the long winded approach at the first or second attempt, but quickly my new-found temper will arise. I’ve learned the “art” of cursing people the f#%k out now, which is not rambling nor passive. It’s very aggressive, short and to the point, and people seem to understand it a lot better. I rather not communicate in such an unrefined and less creative way, however I can’t argue with the results!

Picture: Anime guy shouting.People who would choose to keep dumping their emotional baggage, insults, and drama on me, while ignoring my pleas that it’s hurting me, DO back off and give me a wide berth after I’ve told them what they can do, with whom or what, and how. And it’s what I wished for in the first place, for these difficult types to LEAVE ME ALONE! I can’t help but to feel giddy and happy with those results, however, I am still trying to find a more peaceful way to handle conflicts and difficult people. Swearing and physical fighting is not a graceful way of solving ones problems. However… my god, it is so much fun and satisfying!!! Hee-hee! ^o^/

It’s not a perfect lesson, but I learned that if I want to be treated with respect and like a human being in this world, I must stand up for myself and be a little aggressive, a little selfish at times, and swear like a Irishman! Sometimes, people are reasonable enough to take the hint with a polite and long winded note to stop, which is why I still give it a chance once or twice (at the most). Those are usually reasonable people who don’t mean any harm and they back off once alerted that they’re standing on my toes.

However, for those who are selfish, thoughtless, aggressively disrespecting my boundaries, and dismissing my comfort altogether… Well… In order to spare any children or to avoid offending the sensibilities of a few adults who may be reading this, I will share the perfect song for you. It’s a cute little Irish ditty called: Chicken Song. And please take what the chicken says to heart, as that is my message to you! …Politely, of course. ^w^

And, for my wonderful loyal readers, if you’re not sensitive to swears and never heard of this song before, check it out anyway. It’s hilarious! Don’t take what the chicken says to heart, because I don’t mean it towards you. LOL!

As always, thanks for reading my rambles! I wish everyone a really good day. ^_^v

-D

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2 thoughts on “Let Me Be Clear…”

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