Some weeks ago, I decided to trade in my blonde hair for royal blue. Why? Just because I felt like it. =p
Okay… sigh… I’ll explain the reason why I change hair colors and fashion styles, from time to time. It may be a lame or boring story, but that’s okay. ^_^
Ever since the age of eleven, I gained a fandom/crush on the late David Bowie. I have often attributed my love for blondes to him, as he was literally the first blonde haired man that I was exposed to in my youth, via his music videos on TV (and much later in my teens, within the movie “The Labyrinth”, of course). If there was someone else that started my propensity for blondes before him, I simply can’t remember them, but I can never forget my first impression of Bowie.
He is THE reason why I didn’t hesitate to express myself in weird or “not normal” ways in my youth. I so admired his devil-may-care attitude of expressing himself honestly in his music, shows, and life. So, he was a real role model for me growing up and I shall continue to miss him dearly! u_u
David Bowie once said in a documentary, that he didn’t believe that he had a nice singing voice at all, so he didn’t want to bore his audience by just singing. That’s when he decided to perform all of his song as different characters or an expression of what the song meant or felt like to him.
It stuns me silly, that the man believed that his voice wasn’t good enough, when his voice was extremely ethereal or not of this world. The reason why I paid attention to my first Bowie video (Let’s Dance), is because I heard his voice before my eyes traveled sharply towards the television screen. The video itself wasn’t that interesting to eleven year old Dani, however, Bowie’s voice was so very attractive to my ears. After the music video was over I sat there in total awe and thought, “What… what the f@#k did I just experience!?” Thus began my fandom and crush of Mr. Bowie. Heehee! ^_^
In my young admiration of him, I decided to express myself in anyway that I wanted to or could get away with lawfully. As a young teen, I was the only punk/goth that lived within my neighborhood. All of my peers had the opinion that I was weird and a “freak”, they made fun of the music that I loved (goth, punk, and metal rock), they threatened and physically beat me for being different. Yet, I didn’t care. I continued to be myself and later I met another punk/goth that lived in the suburbs, named “Tray”. Her and I got along great and understood each other well.
In my mid-teens, I began to meet a lot of British goths online, who accepted me completely, and would spend the late nights chatting with them in MSN messenger or on MySpace. Ugh, I feel so OLD now! And yes, this is the why and when I acquired my British-speak (slang and idioms) within my usual vocabulary, even though I’m American-born. ‘Murica! ^w^
However, I didn’t keep the strict “goth” look of dark hair, dark makeup, bell-shirts, and so on, forever. Granted, this was my honest expression of who I was in my teen years, but at some point I had to evolve a bit, so my hair color and fashion choices would change over time as I grew older. By age fifteen, I abandoned the gothic apparel and wished to express what I felt in a new way. I went through the phase of wearing dreads and denim vests. Yeah… I cringe at that period of my life. >_<
My best friend at the time, Kesha, was going through her Hawaiian shirt phase – think of the show “Magnum P.I.”. Hang on… she did have a very Tom Selleck personality at the time, as well! LOL! Yes, it was the mid 90’s, but my friend and I seemed to be stuck in 80’s fashion. We made for a very odd pair in public, to say the least, but we didn’t care. We were expressing ourselves in the way that we wanted to.
After that awkward phase, I began to dress more contemporary and dyed my hair cherry-cola red, by age twenty. It was an expression that I was just an every day young woman, with a hint of my previous rebellion (red hair). The red hair continued on until my late twenties, but my wardrobe changed by age twenty-one. I began to dress in uniformed basic black clothing. It wasn’t goth or punk styled, just plain black pants or leggings, and black shirts. I would buy the clothing in bulk and would wear no other color than that.
It was my expression of what I honestly felt at the time, devoid of any color on the outside, but full of color trapped within myself (as black is a mixture of all the colors in the rainbow, I often cited). My rebellion was still there (the red hair), but the colors within me was “contained” and “conformed” to fit in with the rest of society. It may have been a very pretentious expression, but it were mine to make nonetheless.
By age 33, I dyed my hair blonde, completely. It started as a honey blonde and it was an expression that I was going to be happy and continue to live my life, after the death of my loved ones in the previous year. I picked blonde, as again I thought of David Bowie and I wanted to reflect his happiness onto myself.
I wished to changed from my black uniform, as well, and flirted with the idea of colorful baby-doll dresses and black leggings. Honestly, wearing dresses always feel like I’m “in drag”, it’s really not my style at all. However, I felt so pretty with my new blonde hair and thought I may enjoy to go full Bowie, but I didn’t quite know what to choose. I had been bland-black uniformed for so long and haven’t worn a dress since I was forced to as a little girl.
Then I moved to Minnesota the following year and, before I could choose again, my hair began to fall from my scalp, as I was suffering a major vitamin D deficiency. I did cry a lot, when it first happened, because my hair has always been my means of self expression. Without it, I felt as if I was silenced, in some way.
However, in one last daring attempt of self expression, I asked my hairstylist to give me a “side-cut” on the left side of my head. I figured, “I can’t make it any worse. I’ve already lost chunks of my hair elsewhere.” I was pleased with the results and have kept the side-cut, even after my hair grew back again. I let the rest of my hair grow long on my right side and fade back to its original color, however I kept a thin platinum blonde streak on my right side.
My clothing choice became black graphic t-shirts of my favorite things or YouTubers, each unique and colorful prints. Sometimes I add a little gothic accessory here and there, like my striped finger-less gloves for winter travels. ^_^
My inner self has upgraded a bit, over the last couple of months, and I began to feel “stale” with my blonde streak expression. So, I decided that I wish to become blue, royal blue to be exact. The color blue is said to have the meaning of, “trust, honesty, loyalty, inner security, and confidence”, which I can relate to those ideas.
The color has a very calming affect on me and affords me a younger look. With my new glasses, I’m completely satisfied with my expression and shall keep for it many months! And that is the full story of why I am now blue.
I believe that I’ll keep changing my style for the rest of my life, as I’m always changing and growing as a person, and I enjoy expressing each new inner change with my outer appearance. I truly believe that everyone should have the right to express their inner selves in whatever hair and clothing fashion they seem fit to do so in, as long as its not illegal to do so (for example: no wearing a necklace of infant heads, that sort of thing.). I do enjoy observing the many expressions that others dare to share, as it makes the world a lot more colorful and enjoyable place to live in.
I could end this post with David Bowie’s “Changes”, but… I like this one a bit better: Rebel Rebel. Thanks for reading, as always! ^_^v
Rest in peace, Sir Bowie and beloved Minnesotan, Prince Rogers Nelson. Thank you both for teaching me how to be brave within my self-expression and not being afraid to break the “rules” in order to be myself! ♥