On A Personal Note

Picture: Blue haired anime girl with flowers.Okay, the US elections are over and here’s my honest response to it all. Take it or leave it, the choice is yours and that’s what makes America great, I believe. ^_^v

I am a proud minority, bisexual, female American. I was born in this country, as many of the generations of my family before me. My core beliefs are that everyone has the right to believe in whatever they want to and be whomever they are, as an inalienable right as a human being on this planet, no matter if I may disagree  or not. Any idea, behavior, law, whathaveyou that would seek to take away a person’s respect, freedom, and dignity I cannot and will not abide by. Period.

Therefore I will never follow any such leader of or for unjust ideas that are an affront to my core beliefs. I have never done so in my entire life and I’m not going to start to now, no matter what consequences I may have to face in my battle for my freedoms. And as an American, I am afforded that right to keep, fight for, and protect my core beliefs, as this is what makes this country great. No? We all have that right or should.

That said, I will continue my long-time goal of seeking knowledge, peace, and happiness in my life. I will continue to speak up for everyone that I care about and myself . I will continue to live my life in the way I’m truly am, without excuse or apology, without buckling to intimidation nor hateful tactics or speech.

Am I afraid? Yes, my heart is racing even as I write this. But that’s okay. Will I continue to care for people in spite of their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliation, as I have done so before this whole political circus came about? Of course! Will I persevere in my life and move forward? You betcha, I will. ^o^/

To everyone who’s reading this, no matter who you are or who you voted for: I love you and I hope for the very best in your life. Always! Hugs! (> ^_^ )>

For those who are afraid right now, please keep you head held high and hang in there! I totally understand how you feel, I’m right there with you. But, we’re going to be okay! And… here’s a nice song for you: Seven Lions & Echos – Cold Skin. (っ´▽`)っ♥ ❤

With much love,

– Danielle Sara Williams

I’m Growing Up

Picture: anime girl with birthday cake.In a few weeks, I will turn age thirty-six on my birthday. ^_^

I’m getting older in binary code, just four more years left until I’ve reached the age of 40! I have been growing up a bit lately, becoming more of a responsible and independent adult within my life.

No. I haven’t ended my love for anime. No, I haven’t stopped listening to dubstep. No, I haven’t given up video games or Pixar movies! Hey, these things will stay with me well after I’m old and gray! SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! >_<

What has changed is that I care about my health these days. I’ve stopped treating my body with a blatant disregard as I have done so in my twenties and younger years. I’ve been through three surgeries in the past two years; an emergency appendectomy, an eye surgery (keratoplasty), and one myomectomy. Surely, everything is alright and set within my body for a long while, and I will not need any more surgeries any time soon. I hope. o_o

Before every surgery, I was asked if I had a “living will” while the surgeons simultaneously assured me that everything will be okay and I didn’t have to worry about dying on the operating table… but… just in case, did I have a will? I did not.

After my myomectomy, I decided that I would sit down with the forms and fill out a living will. It was several pages long and a very daunting task, as it asked very tough questions concerning when it would be okay for doctors to stop performing resuscitation, what mental or physical state would I have to be in when I would want a loved one to “pull the plug” on my life support, etc. It was a bit morbid to fill out these forms, to say the least, but I learned something very profound about myself.

Picture: girl with flower.I have learned that I have a very strong will to live, as the only situations that I would agree to the end of my life support is if I have suffered brain death or if I’m so far gone that I’m not aware of who I am nor aware of anyone else in the room with me, with no chance of recovering from that. In order words, trapped unaware within my own dying brain is a good reason to pull my life support, I believe.

Other than that, I very much want to live, even if I lose limbs, can no longer write or do the hobbies I enjoy anymore, and can only communicate like Stephen Hawking with a special machine in a chair for the rest of my life. I don’t care! As long as I can keep communicating while being aware of myself and those I care about, I can always gain new hobbies in life. I know it may not be easy and there could be a bit (or a lot) of pain involved, but I will go through it and face it, as long as I keep living for just a few more days longer.

And this is a very profound thing that I’ve learned about myself, because in my twenties, I didn’t care to live at all. I tried to take my own life constantly and when I wasn’t doing that I treated my own wellbeing and safety as very unimportant objects. I’m a bit in awe that I am looking forward to age forty and beyond. Whereas in my early twenties, I had believed that I wouldn’t see the day of reaching age thirty.

Anyway, I have been looking after my health for the past three years now. When I first moved to Minnesota, it started with a diet change; less salt, less carbonated sugars (less soda and more natural fruit juices and water), less takeout or fast-food meals and more home cooked meals, and more fresh vegetables. This has greatly improved my blood pressure stats to normal and I get great reports back on my heart as well.

I began to work on my mental health and stress levels. I don’t allow toxic people within my life anymore. I had to say goodbye to a few toxic people last year, but more on that topic some other post. I have a list of activities and things to do in order to de-stress, which I wrote up with my therapist during a session. I make sure to show up for all of my therapy appointments and to work hard on my homework assignments.

I do go to regular medical check-ups, blood work is done and so on, and I follow the doctor’s advice. I do get my flu shot every year. I try to exercise a bit, not just sit in front of my laptop all day (which is highly tempting to do!), so I do go out for walks every now and then.

Picture: anime girl in front of laptop with cat.I try to make sure I get enough sleep, at least eight hours, but sometimes I do slip up and stay up all night when I’m working on some project or other. Oops. I’m still improving that habit. ;^_^>

Lastly, it’s been 13 days, 16 hours, 34 minutes, and 50 seconds since I’ve last smoked a cigarette. How do I feel? Well… like I want to rip the head off of a wild boar!!! However, besides my nagging cravings, I guess I’m doing alright. Perhaps. Yeah. *twitch* >_e

I believe that caring for my well-being and health is a part of what it means to grow up, even just a little. Overall, I am doing very well these days. The better I physically feel, the better I feel mentally and spiritually.

Anyway, I shall end this long post here, with a song: Until The End (feat. Q’AILA). Thanks for reading and I wish everyone an awesome November! ^_^v

-D