I’m Growing Up

Picture: anime girl with birthday cake.In a few weeks, I will turn age thirty-six on my birthday. ^_^

I’m getting older in binary code, just four more years left until I’ve reached the age of 40! I have been growing up a bit lately, becoming more of a responsible and independent adult within my life.

No. I haven’t ended my love for anime. No, I haven’t stopped listening to dubstep. No, I haven’t given up video games or Pixar movies! Hey, these things will stay with me well after I’m old and gray! SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! >_<

What has changed is that I care about my health these days. I’ve stopped treating my body with a blatant disregard as I have done so in my twenties and younger years. I’ve been through three surgeries in the past two years; an emergency appendectomy, an eye surgery (keratoplasty), and one myomectomy. Surely, everything is alright and set within my body for a long while, and I will not need any more surgeries any time soon. I hope. o_o

Before every surgery, I was asked if I had a “living will” while the surgeons simultaneously assured me that everything will be okay and I didn’t have to worry about dying on the operating table… but… just in case, did I have a will? I did not.

After my myomectomy, I decided that I would sit down with the forms and fill out a living will. It was several pages long and a very daunting task, as it asked very tough questions concerning when it would be okay for doctors to stop performing resuscitation, what mental or physical state would I have to be in when I would want a loved one to “pull the plug” on my life support, etc. It was a bit morbid to fill out these forms, to say the least, but I learned something very profound about myself.

Picture: girl with flower.I have learned that I have a very strong will to live, as the only situations that I would agree to the end of my life support is if I have suffered brain death or if I’m so far gone that I’m not aware of who I am nor aware of anyone else in the room with me, with no chance of recovering from that. In order words, trapped unaware within my own dying brain is a good reason to pull my life support, I believe.

Other than that, I very much want to live, even if I lose limbs, can no longer write or do the hobbies I enjoy anymore, and can only communicate like Stephen Hawking with a special machine in a chair for the rest of my life. I don’t care! As long as I can keep communicating while being aware of myself and those I care about, I can always gain new hobbies in life. I know it may not be easy and there could be a bit (or a lot) of pain involved, but I will go through it and face it, as long as I keep living for just a few more days longer.

And this is a very profound thing that I’ve learned about myself, because in my twenties, I didn’t care to live at all. I tried to take my own life constantly and when I wasn’t doing that I treated my own wellbeing and safety as very unimportant objects. I’m a bit in awe that I am looking forward to age forty and beyond. Whereas in my early twenties, I had believed that I wouldn’t see the day of reaching age thirty.

Anyway, I have been looking after my health for the past three years now. When I first moved to Minnesota, it started with a diet change; less salt, less carbonated sugars (less soda and more natural fruit juices and water), less takeout or fast-food meals and more home cooked meals, and more fresh vegetables. This has greatly improved my blood pressure stats to normal and I get great reports back on my heart as well.

I began to work on my mental health and stress levels. I don’t allow toxic people within my life anymore. I had to say goodbye to a few toxic people last year, but more on that topic some other post. I have a list of activities and things to do in order to de-stress, which I wrote up with my therapist during a session. I make sure to show up for all of my therapy appointments and to work hard on my homework assignments.

I do go to regular medical check-ups, blood work is done and so on, and I follow the doctor’s advice. I do get my flu shot every year. I try to exercise a bit, not just sit in front of my laptop all day (which is highly tempting to do!), so I do go out for walks every now and then.

Picture: anime girl in front of laptop with cat.I try to make sure I get enough sleep, at least eight hours, but sometimes I do slip up and stay up all night when I’m working on some project or other. Oops. I’m still improving that habit. ;^_^>

Lastly, it’s been 13 days, 16 hours, 34 minutes, and 50 seconds since I’ve last smoked a cigarette. How do I feel? Well… like I want to rip the head off of a wild boar!!! However, besides my nagging cravings, I guess I’m doing alright. Perhaps. Yeah. *twitch* >_e

I believe that caring for my well-being and health is a part of what it means to grow up, even just a little. Overall, I am doing very well these days. The better I physically feel, the better I feel mentally and spiritually.

Anyway, I shall end this long post here, with a song: Until The End (feat. Q’AILA). Thanks for reading and I wish everyone an awesome November! ^_^v

-D

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