Tag Archives: health

I’m Growing Up

Picture: anime girl with birthday cake.In a few weeks, I will turn age thirty-six on my birthday. ^_^

I’m getting older in binary code, just four more years left until I’ve reached the age of 40! I have been growing up a bit lately, becoming more of a responsible and independent adult within my life.

No. I haven’t ended my love for anime. No, I haven’t stopped listening to dubstep. No, I haven’t given up video games or Pixar movies! Hey, these things will stay with me well after I’m old and gray! SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! >_<

What has changed is that I care about my health these days. I’ve stopped treating my body with a blatant disregard as I have done so in my twenties and younger years. I’ve been through three surgeries in the past two years; an emergency appendectomy, an eye surgery (keratoplasty), and one myomectomy. Surely, everything is alright and set within my body for a long while, and I will not need any more surgeries any time soon. I hope. o_o

Before every surgery, I was asked if I had a “living will” while the surgeons simultaneously assured me that everything will be okay and I didn’t have to worry about dying on the operating table… but… just in case, did I have a will? I did not.

After my myomectomy, I decided that I would sit down with the forms and fill out a living will. It was several pages long and a very daunting task, as it asked very tough questions concerning when it would be okay for doctors to stop performing resuscitation, what mental or physical state would I have to be in when I would want a loved one to “pull the plug” on my life support, etc. It was a bit morbid to fill out these forms, to say the least, but I learned something very profound about myself.

Picture: girl with flower.I have learned that I have a very strong will to live, as the only situations that I would agree to the end of my life support is if I have suffered brain death or if I’m so far gone that I’m not aware of who I am nor aware of anyone else in the room with me, with no chance of recovering from that. In order words, trapped unaware within my own dying brain is a good reason to pull my life support, I believe.

Other than that, I very much want to live, even if I lose limbs, can no longer write or do the hobbies I enjoy anymore, and can only communicate like Stephen Hawking with a special machine in a chair for the rest of my life. I don’t care! As long as I can keep communicating while being aware of myself and those I care about, I can always gain new hobbies in life. I know it may not be easy and there could be a bit (or a lot) of pain involved, but I will go through it and face it, as long as I keep living for just a few more days longer.

And this is a very profound thing that I’ve learned about myself, because in my twenties, I didn’t care to live at all. I tried to take my own life constantly and when I wasn’t doing that I treated my own wellbeing and safety as very unimportant objects. I’m a bit in awe that I am looking forward to age forty and beyond. Whereas in my early twenties, I had believed that I wouldn’t see the day of reaching age thirty.

Anyway, I have been looking after my health for the past three years now. When I first moved to Minnesota, it started with a diet change; less salt, less carbonated sugars (less soda and more natural fruit juices and water), less takeout or fast-food meals and more home cooked meals, and more fresh vegetables. This has greatly improved my blood pressure stats to normal and I get great reports back on my heart as well.

I began to work on my mental health and stress levels. I don’t allow toxic people within my life anymore. I had to say goodbye to a few toxic people last year, but more on that topic some other post. I have a list of activities and things to do in order to de-stress, which I wrote up with my therapist during a session. I make sure to show up for all of my therapy appointments and to work hard on my homework assignments.

I do go to regular medical check-ups, blood work is done and so on, and I follow the doctor’s advice. I do get my flu shot every year. I try to exercise a bit, not just sit in front of my laptop all day (which is highly tempting to do!), so I do go out for walks every now and then.

Picture: anime girl in front of laptop with cat.I try to make sure I get enough sleep, at least eight hours, but sometimes I do slip up and stay up all night when I’m working on some project or other. Oops. I’m still improving that habit. ;^_^>

Lastly, it’s been 13 days, 16 hours, 34 minutes, and 50 seconds since I’ve last smoked a cigarette. How do I feel? Well… like I want to rip the head off of a wild boar!!! However, besides my nagging cravings, I guess I’m doing alright. Perhaps. Yeah. *twitch* >_e

I believe that caring for my well-being and health is a part of what it means to grow up, even just a little. Overall, I am doing very well these days. The better I physically feel, the better I feel mentally and spiritually.

Anyway, I shall end this long post here, with a song: Until The End (feat. Q’AILA). Thanks for reading and I wish everyone an awesome November! ^_^v



Surgery And Writer’s Block

Picture: Cowboy Bebop - Radical Edward Smile.Hey there, readers! ^_^

I know it’s been a long while since my last post, so I wanted to explain a bit about what’s happening currently in my life. Just so no one thinks that I’m dead or abandoning this blog! =p

On Friday, August 19th, I went in for surgery to remove fibroid tumors from my abdomen. Don’t worry, the tumors aren’t cancerous! Last year, these tumors were the size of a fist each, but then quickly grew a lot bigger over this year, which caused me a lot of terrible pain. It was just a smart idea to get them removed now, instead of allowing them to keep growing and suffering in unnecessary pain, until the inevitable emergency surgery to remove them anyway.

My surgeon removed several doorknobs sized tumors and one humongous tumor that was the size of a small basketball, weighing 3.3 pounds (or 1.4kg). To remove the larger tumor, a C-section type procedure was done (an incision 19 inches across my stomach) and I am still recovering from surgery, with a prescription of Percocet that I can’t wait to start weening off. I’m often “tripping balls” on this medication, as the kids would say, so I’d like nothing more to be rid of the pain meds and return back to my usual level of insanity, thank you. ^w^

So, that’s just one reason for my lack of blogging lately.

The other reason is, that I am suffering a bit of writer’s block at the moment. Not just for blogging, but I haven’t been able to continue a novel or another RPG Maker game these past few weeks. Writer’s block is nothing new to me, it does happen from time to time, and I’m not worried. I will continue to play video games, watch anime, chat with good friends, and go about my daily chores (or recovery from surgery) until something has knocked loose inside of my creative mind.

As for the fan RPG Maker game that I had created some many weeks back, for the YouTuber named Wade (aka: LordMinion777), my sister was awesome enough to signal-boost the game on her Tumblr account and Wade did notice and reblogged it. However, I wasn’t the only fan to come up with the idea of making a fan game for him that month, so Wade has promised to play every game in the order he has received them. He has finished one fan game and it’s sequel, so perhaps my game will be next? I don’t know. o_O

I’m not sure yet if I’ll write a whole new post here, linking directly to the videos of him playing my game or if I’ll simply update this post with a direct link later. To be continued…

Anyhoo, I’m just jazzed that my game was noticed at all and that the few fans who’ve played it have given me very positive reviews thus far. Yay! ^o^/

If you’re interested in checking out the game or learning more details on why I had created it, the Dropbox link and more blabber is located here: Writing Video Games: Pt 2!.

Picture: Hatsune Miku nurse.Back to the business of my health (sorry for flipping through topics like this! My mind is so muddled right now…), besides the fibroids and eye disease, I’m in pretty excellent shape! I don’t suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, nor any other health issues. The removal of the tumors is hopefully my last health issue for a very long while. And I am highly motivated to quit smoking cigarettes as well.

Even though my lungs are also very healthy, in spite of the fact that I’ve been a smoker for over fourteen years, I am aware that I’m just playing a game of Russian Roulette and it’s only a matter of time before I’m told that I have a severe lung issue or lung cancer. In my quest for happiness, my health is very much a part of that. I have managed to go from a pack a day smoker to a four cigs per day smoker, which is good, but not exactly “quit” status.

After I am done removing the last few stress-inducing people from my life, I will consider the help of a Cessation Therapist. ^_^

In the meanwhile, I’ve been experiencing a lot of happiness in my life since spring of this year, just on-going awesome events after another. I love my town and Minnesotan lifestyle to bits! And I feel very inspired and hopeful for my future. I’m taking more healthier risks, I make reasonable and obtainable goals. I’ve found achievement and success in many of the goals I’ve set thus far. So, my journey is going very well and I’m honestly content with the direction I’m heading in.

Thanks for reading, as always! And I wish you all the best in your journeys! Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! ^_^/


Oops! I almost forgot the song for today! Heehee! Please enjoy:  Rihanna – Sledgehammer. I was introduced to this song, at the local cinema, two weekends ago! The movie, Star Trek Beyond, is AWESOME and I do recommend it! ^_^v

Up In Smoke!

2822014_1340520167484.2res_480_360Trigger Warning!!! For those trying to quit smoking or recently quit, you may want to steer clear of this article! Seriously… this may trigger you, so be kind to yourself and click the x. ^_^

What can I say… I was very STUPID when I first decided to start a smoking habit, at the unlikely age of twenty-three. I knew about the health risks and the fact that my family has a very high rate of cancer in general. I’ve lost both  of my grandparents to cancer some years back and they weren’t smokers!

So, it was a very stupid move on my part, when I decided one day… “Hey, I want to try smoking a cigarette! Spike Spiegel of ‘Cowboy Bebop’ does it and he looks cool!”  I’m so very embarrassed… so, so, so much! *hides face in shame* u_u

Anyway, my first year of “smoking”, I didn’t know I was suppose to inhale it! I was happily blowing smoke and posing with it, when someone said something funny and I gasped. I choked so much and garbled, “Damn, I swallowed it!” A spaz like me should have NEVER tried smoking in the first place, especially when I was too silly to realize that I was suppose to inhale it! More embarrassment!

So, for my first year I wasn’t addicted to smoking, because I wasn’t actually smoking. My “friends” never bothered to clue me in either, so after that choking incident that’s when I actually began my real addiction. I went from one pack a week to two packs a day, very quickly, as I craved the nicotine so much.

nagisa-chocolate-smallFor those who aren’t smokers, the rush of calm  and pure happiness that comes from smoking is the exact affect that one gets when they eat a piece of chocolate. Except with smoking a person doesn’t gain more weight or diabetes. Sometimes smoking can cause weight loss too, as the nicotine curbs appetite in general.

HOWEVER, the pitfall is that the smoke is highly radioactive and smokers are subjecting their lungs to huge doses of radiation with every puff. This is what causes cancer, heart failure, stroke, and other nasty things. >_>

Back then, I didn’t care much about myself and didn’t plan on living very long anyway, so I puffed away “tralalalala!”. Then I got better with my depression and really want to live on, but now I was faced with the fact that I’m slowly killing myself. Eep! O_O

Right away, I decided to quit and I tried the patch first. My skin didn’t like that idea and it protested with square shaped red, itchy, and painful splotches! I never wanted a cigarette MORE so in my life! I gave up the patch and went back to smoking for a week.

The next thing I tried was  cheap nicotine gum, that tasted like wax, and that only lasted for two days.  Then I tried quitting “cold turkey”, I tossed away my ashtray, gave away the last of my cigs, and scrubbed my room to get rid of the lingering smell of smoke. My family and myself could only last for two weeks, as I blew up at everyone in fits and then broke down emotionally in great tears, “I want a cigarette!!!” So, I went back to smoking.

sunako_aI tried “cold turkey” a few more times, but my family protested, “STOP! You’re making it worse!”, while cowering in corners. I had to find another way! So, I began to buy a more “expensive” gum that cost $30 a box, which I religiously buy every month now. With that, I’ve managed to get my habit down to one pack a week. It’s a work in progress. ^_^

At one time, I was free of all smoking for one year, but then I gained too much stress, as I tried to get my book published (aka: being rejected by publishing houses left and right) and I had a horrible “friend”  who weighted me down. After having a very emotional fight with him and holding yet another rejection letter in my hand, I thought I could smoke just one cigarette. However,  that was a mistake… it started the habit again. D’oh!

Last year in November, I went for a routine check-up. My doctor found a lump and I was terrified! Did cancer catch up with me already!? I was rushed to a biopsy and the good news is that it was a harmless fibroid tumor. Whew… However, it made me think harder about my actions towards myself. I’m more determine to quit now, so I’m taking it one step at a time, limiting my cigarettes each month. I’m not giving up on quitting… as strange as that sentence sounds.

As for coffee… doctors want me to quit that too, but NEVER!!! You’ll have to pry the cup away from my cold dead fingers! My coffee! Nom, nom, nom, nom! >_<

I’ve never done any drugs in my entire life, unless you count the one time I was high on oxycodone after I had my two molars removed by a dentist. That was one trippy week! I never smoked pot nor ever want to. I’m not much of a drinker either. I do enjoy a “screwdriver” (vodka and orange juice) every few months or so, but it’s only the one drink. I’m a light-weight!

kagura_punchMy two addictions are nicotine and caffeine (coffee). I plan to get rid of one of those habits someday… never the coffee! Life is not worth living without coffee! I’m serious about that! Do NOT try to take away my coffee or you’ll be pulling back nubs! \\\>_<///

So for those trying to quit smoking, please hang in there. I understand your plight! And for those who never started the habit in the first place, GOOD! Don’t do it! Keep being clever! ^_^v

Thanks for reading!